


Ruiner

by RedMetalWitch



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Blood, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, F/M, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, NSFW, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-06-24 01:10:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15619128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedMetalWitch/pseuds/RedMetalWitch
Summary: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse, but it leads him to someone and something he never expected





	1. The set up

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch(AO3) aka: Kichi (Fanfiction.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: lots of blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death)  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also I don’t know who Jimmy Woo is. I literally looked up Asian marvel characters on Google but I hear he is in Ant Man and the Wasp (which I haven’t watched yet). Also I did as much research as I could with Google and Wikipedia, but sadly, I’ve never been to Yangshuo, but from the pictures I’ve seen I totally want to go now. Point is, if the vague descriptions of the land don’t fit, I’m sorry. Also, also, I planned two other Loki fics and this just popped into my head from nowhere, so I’m running with it.

you had all of them on your side  
didn’t you?  
didn’t you?  
you believed in all your lies  
didn’t you?   
didn’t you

Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region, China-  
Li River near Yangshuo

All day the team had been searching up and down the Li River from Guilin to Yangshuo and back. Director Fury had sent them to hunt down the Mandarin.   
Dr. Strange had contacted Fury 32 hours earlier and calmly informed him that the Mandarin was in possession of some strange magic and reports of legendary beasts had reached his ears. But Dr. Strange could do nothing as he was in another dimension and unable to leave until his own mission was complete. Fury was surprisingly calm and suggested that Loki was a magic user.  
“You trust that... Person?" was Strange’s reply.  
“About as far as I can throw him, but it has been six months and I haven’t heard a single complaint from the rest of the team."  
“Then send them immediately. Also I suggest sending James Woo to accompany them. He would be a great help, I am sure."

What would have been a 15 hour commercial flight took them about nine in one of Starks faster jets, and it was not long before they were floating down the Li River. The karst mountains the river flowed between were beautiful, but with only Tony, Thor, and Loki able to fly or teleport to search the top of each one, it was time-consuming. Dr. Strange had clearly seen a long-abandoned temple as the site of the Mandarin’s hideout. But it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack without a magnet. As darkness began to fall they began to notice strange shapes swimming past their small boat, eerie cries echoed from the trees, and Jimmy began to scan the shore nervously.  
“We should stop for today. It would not be wise to dwell here in darkness.” he said. Thor smiled.   
“I fear no beasts, nor darkness. What say you, brother?” Loki shrugged, looking bored.  
“I care not. We can stay or go. It matters little.”  
“My butt is going numb. If we’re going to stay, I’d rather get out of this boat and walk.” Natasha said.  
”Me too.” Clint said, as ever in agreement with his favorite team mate.  
“I agree with Jimmy. My eyesight is not better in the dark than it ever was.” Steve said.  
“Mine, either. I can barely see the shore.” Bruce said with a sigh.  
“Oh, so I’m the deciding vote then?” Tony piped up, smiling. Before he could say another world the boat flipped, throwing them all into the Li.  
“What the Hell?!” Natasha snarled as she resurfaced.  
“Quickly!” Jimmy shouted, “Get to the shore!” He was suddenly pulled under.  
“Jimmy!” Steve cried, diving after him. Loki, and Tony were pulling Natasha and Bruce to shore while Thor hovered over the water where Steve had dove after Jimmy.   
“Where are they?!” Bruce cried as Tony set him on the shore.   
“They’re coming up!” Thor called back and Steve and Jimmy reappeared, gasping for air. Thor grabbed them both and pulled them quickly through the water to the shore, but as he did Steve began to cry out and thrash.  
“It’s got me!” he yelled, kicking furiously. Thor yanked Jimmy out and dumped him on the ground and then grabbed Steve by the arms and pulled him out with a strange, hairy creature hanging from his legs. Natasha threw three knives into the beasts deformed back and Clint hit it with two arrows. With a keening wail it sank into the water, two arrow shafts last to dip beneath the surface.  
“What the hell was that?!" Bruce cried, his face contorted with disgust.  
“It is Shui Gui... a ‘water monkey’, I think. I’d heard they only live in lakes. But this is madness! They are creatures of myth!"  
“Dr. Strange said the Mandarin was using what he considered weird magic and heard reports of incidents with the locals regarding creatures that were only heard of in folk lore.” Steve said. Jimmy shook his head in shock.   
“What are water monkeys?” Thor mumbled to his brother. Loki shrugged, only half listening. He could feel the pulse of magic suddenly and it was indeed unlike anything he’d ever felt. Then it was gone. He scowled.  
“They drown people.” was all Jimmy said.  
“Three quarters of my weapons are down at the the bottom of the river now.” Natasha snapped. “What are our plans now?” She said, trying to conceal her fury and disappointment with a blank expression.  
“We should go that way.” Said Loki, pointing back the way they had come. On the opposite bank of the river. Most of the group sighed in annoyance, but Thor seemed pleased.  
“What is it?” Steve said, standing and looking toward where Loki pointed.  
“The magic, it is very strange, and it is that way.”

They waited patiently while Natasha and Jimmy cleaned the water from the guns they still carried, then they crossed the Li without further incident, then a road shortly after. The moon had risen and it wasn’t too difficult to see. Their clothes were still wet and the night was humid. Soon mosquitoes began to attack them.  
“Bug repellant was in my bag too.” Natasha sighed as she slapped her neck.

The trees began to thicken and the karst mountains seemed to loom on all sides. They could see nothing but the wilderness around them. They heard crickets and an occasional screech of a nocturnal animal. After an hour of trudging through the dark Bruce stopped.   
“Loki, where are we going?”  
“I’ve never been to this land. I know not our destination, I simply follow the power which is growing stronger as we stand here.”  
“Is it far?” Steve asked, seeing irritation on Bruce’s face. Loki saw it too and his eyes narrowed. He did his damnedest to stay out of sight whenever the Hulk arrived. Bruce had confronted him about it once, blocking Loki’s path when it became clear he was doing his best to avoid Banner at all costs.  
“You’re on our side now. I’m not going to attack you.” Loki had left out the breath he’d been holding, gave Bruce a forced smile.  
“Good.” was all he’d said. Bruce forced himself to calm down and took a few steps away from Loki. He’s not doing anything wrong, Bruce reminded himself.   
“No.” Loki replied, “I think I can see light ahead as well.” He pointed up to the very top of a spectacular krast, tall and narrow.  
“As do I.” said Thor, squinting.   
“Great.” Steve said and they continued on.

They were at the foot of the towering krast when a creature leapt upon Loki’s back and sank its jagged teeth into his shoulder, slicing through armor, skin, and trapezius muscle. Loki’s roar of pain and fury alarmed none worse than his elder brother. He sent out a pulsing wave of magic that flung the creature away with a shriek, but like sharks scenting blood on the water, more began to appear and make their way toward him.   
“Jiang shi!” Jimmy cried, his features stark with horror. “Kill them!” he, Natasha, and Clint began firing rapidly. Thor knocked several back with his hammer at once, Tony blasted each time he saw one lurch forward with a strange, stiff, leap. Steve’s shield bounced back and forth, slamming into rotting skulls. A much louder roar announced the arrival of Hulk.  
“Well if Mandarin didn’t know we were here before he does now!” Clint cried, firing arrows as fast as he could.  
“I’m on it!” Tony flew towards the top of the krast. Thor was fighting his way to his brother who screamed again and disappeared under a pile of the filthy creatures. A violent blast of green light flung them off of him and he fell back with a gasp. The Hulk grabbed each in turn and crushed their bones, their dried up flesh crumbling. Loki lay sprawled on his back, gasping. Thor beat back the rest that were keeping him from his brother’s side with a roar.

Tony flew above the wreckage that had once been a temple. A faint blue glow caught his eye. He saw nothing living but still descended cautiously. On what appeared to be a plinth carved to resemble a lion sat a blue orb. Deep within he saw a faint sparkle. “What is that?” he wondered aloud. His AI, FRIDAY chirped in his ear: “Unknown composition. Unknown energy source emanating from object. No radiation of any kind, no heat signature. Entity unknown.”   
“You’re always so helpful, I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Tony sighed. “Scan for any life in this rubble.” “Several species of Arachnid, Chiroptera, Acromantis-” “Ok, thanks, big help again.”

He landed with the orb in his palm and saw everyone hovering over a still form. His heart went into his throat as he drew close.  
“We must end his life.” at this Thor lunged at the speaker (who had sounded like Jim Woo) but was quickly caught by Hulk and forced back to his knees.  
“We can’t do that.” Steve sighed. Jimmy stood, his face bleak.  
“Then I must leave you. My advice is you put a knife through his brain right now-"  
“No!" Thor snarled.  
“- or quarantine him if you value your life so little! You don’t know what you are dealing with.” Jimmy rose to his feet, turned on his heel, but before he could take a step, Tony stopped him.  
“You can’t leave, James. We need you! At least tell us what to expect, for God’s sake, at least stay with us until we get back to Yangshuo!”  
“He will die slowly. Then he will awaken again. How soon after I have no clue. These are creatures of legend. I know only the stories meant to keep me out of the forests as a child. He will not be the man you knew. He will be unable to speak or use his senses for other than the hunt. He will be as a corpse. Cold, stiff with rigor mortis, and hungering for blood and life force.”  
“Could this help?” Tony said, holding the glittering blue orb aloft.  
“What the hell is that?” Clint wondered aloud.  
“And where is the Mandarin?” said Natasha. Loki groaned in pain and tried to touch one of the horrid bites on his neck. The Hulk began to shrink rapidly until there stood Bruce, struggling to hold his pants up and make his way to Loki. Thor scrambled to Loki’s side and hovered over him, his face crumpling in distress.  
“Brother.. can you hear me?" He took one look at the wounds on Loki’s neck and shuddered.  
“We have to get him out of here now.” Bruce said.

Tony and Thor took turns carrying everyone up to Tony’s jet as it hovered overhead. Jimmy had agreed to get a ride home, but he sat as far away from Loki as he could, watched him intently, and never put down his gun.

Bruce didn’t want to pat himself on the back too hard, but he was relieved he’d insisted on updating and enhancing their medical supplies. Removing Loki’s armor and under shirt was a wretched task. Loki’s eyes were wide and staring and he shivered violently with chills, but he seemed completely unaware of what was happening. It was as if he’d lost consciousness with his eyes open. Thor sat behind him and maneuvered him whichever way Bruce and Steve asked as they undid his armor’s buckles and straps. When they peeled it off him Loki froze, his eyes snapping shut, his mouth twisted in a grimace of pain. His dark green shirt was black with blood.  
“Jesus.” Bruce hissed in sympathy. “We need to give him an IV, he’s lost a lot of blood.”  
“I’ll help.” Tony offered, carelessly tossing the glowing blue bauble to Clint who just barely caught it with a gasp.  
“Careful!” Natasha snapped.  
“I have complete faith in you two.” Tony said, not glancing back. “You guys stay with him, I’ll find the IV. Do we know his blood type?”  
“No. We have to use O negative for now. I don’t even know if his body will accept human blood.” Bruce trailed off, feeling unsure.  
“True, but, he’s looking whiter than Augusta Seger-”  
“Bitch.” Clint murmured under his breath. Natasha tried to hide a smile as she patted him on the back. Bruce sighed, raking a hand through his hair.  
“What matters the type of blood? I don’t understand.” Thor said, petting his brother’s black hair.  
“There are eight different blood types, among humans anyway, and there are about that many immunologic reactions that can occur when incompatible blood is given to a patient. But, Loki’s magic heals him, and frankly, I’m not sure he would suffer any ill effect, but then again, I have no way of knowing.”  
“Immunologic..?” Thor trailed off and chewed his lower lip for a moment. Steve looked blank as well. Bruce and Steve began to clean the blood off of Loki, doing their best to ignore his pained gasps.   
“It means his body can react adversely to the blood we’re going to have to give him.” he didn’t want to even mention some of the things that could happen, he didn’t even want to think of it, and he certainly wasn’t about to tell Thor. “But we have no choice, already his breathing is becoming rapid and shallow, his skin is getting cold...”  
Tony returned with two bags of O negative blood and an IV. Bruce easily found a good vein in his arm and swabbed the area with iodine.  
“Loki?” He asked as he was about to insert the needle. “Can you hear me?” Loki nodded once. “I need to put this needle in your arm. It will replace the blood you’ve lost. Can you hold still, or do you want Thor to hold your wrist? He nodded again, to what, Bruce wasn’t sure.   
“Thor, hold his wrist and keep him still.” Tony advised. Thor grabbed his hand instead and turned it palm up, and revealed another set of teeth in Loki’s wrist. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Tony hissed. “How many times did they bite him?”  
“I’m not sure yet.” Bruce sighed. Thor bowed his head. Loki nodded again to a question no one had asked and closed his eyes. Thor leaned forward and gripped Loki’s upper arm as well, to keep him from shaking and Bruce deftly inserted the needle and taped it in place. Loki made no sound but once they released him he continued to shiver. “Keep his arm straight, Thor, don’t let him bend it.” Steve cautioned. Thor nodded, his expression forlorn, and continued to hold Loki’s hand while his other hand went back to gently combing through his brother’s raven hair.   
Steve and Bruce continued to clean and bandage his wounds in silence. 

When they were done they counted four separate bite wounds, each deep and inflamed. Bruce and Steve cleaned them as much as they could, but Loki continued to cringe as they treated him. Each bite looked ragged and painful and no one could blame him when he gasped or flinched. They thought they had finished until Tony pointed out a growing pool of blood beneath Loki.  
“Fuck!” Bruce gasped, more frightened than angry and they quickly tugged his pants off. A hideous bite marred his inner thigh, so close to the femoral vein that Bruce shivered. Thor groaned at the sight, his features crumbling again. They cleaned this as carefully as they could, thankful that Loki did not cry out. His eyes blinked slowly as he stared at nothing. They began to cover the wounds with bandages. After nearly two hours they were finished and Thor gently lifted him and laid him down on a small couch. The carpet where he’d lain was nowhere near salvageable.   
His eyes closed finally as he fell asleep, his body still greedily draining the second bag of blood.

“Will he be alright?” Natasha wondered quietly. She did not want Thor to hear her as she murmured near Clint’s ear.  
“I do not think he will be.” Jimmy said, his eyes still locked on Loki.

They returned to Stark Tower as quickly as possible. Jimmy immediately left with only a faint smile and a wave. Not five minutes later Nick Fury was calling, first Tony, then Natasha.  
Natasha answered (unlike Tony).  
“Director Stark, I was just going to call you.”  
“Is Loki in quarantine?”  
“Just about.”  
“I’m sending a team over there now and I want the rest of you to stand by. None of you are to leave, do you understand?”  
“Yes, sir.” she hung up with a sigh. “We’ve all been quarantined, Fury is sending a team over now.”

Thor, of course, refused to leave Loki’s side. When the team infiltrated Stark tower with hazmat suits on, all employees that did not have access to the top floors were sent home with clear instructions not to return until notified. When they surrounded Loki’s bed Thor immediately saw them as a threat and Bruce, Steve, and Tony all took turns explaining to him that no one was going to harm his brother until he calmed and lowered Mjollnir.  
Loki remained unaware as they poked and prodded him for about an hour. They were just finishing sealing part of the room off with thick plastic when slowly he began to blink and stare about him in confusion.  
“Brother I am here.” Thor said. Loki relaxed and slumped back against the pillows, his eyes closing again.

Natasha and Clint were in the kitchen.  
“I’m starving.” Clint said.   
“I don’t think we can order out this time.” Natasha said with a sigh.  
“Do you know how to cook?” Clint asking, sounding hopeful.  
“Nope.”  
“Well, I do know how to make one thing.”  
“Then let’s get to it.”

Clint and Natasha returned from the kitchen with a large, steaming pot, crackers, spoons and bowls. Tony leapt to his feet and drew near, his eye lit up.   
“Something smells very good and I am starving.”  
“I made chili!” Clint said with a small smile. Bruce and Thor’s stomachs practically roared at the same time and Steve jumped up from the couch, his eyes wide.  
“You stay here, I’ll bring you some.” Bruce said. Thor nodded in relief, he didn’t dare leave Loki’s side even for food, any way. Bruce returned quickly with two bowls and spoons, passing one to Thor through the isolation barrier.  
“Thank you.” Thor sighed and began to eat.  
“I think he’s going to be ok.” Bruce said once half his bowl was empty. “He hasn’t reacted negatively to the transfusion, and while his blood is not exactly like a human’s it is strikingly similar. We won’t know for certain for awhile, but he already looks better.”  
“His magic will heal him.” Thor said. “He nearly lost an arm once, but two days later he was well again.” Bruce blinked, his mouth falling open.  
“Two days?!” he shook his head smiling faintly. “Wow.” Thor smiled briefly and then pouted looking at his empty bowl. Bruce hid a smile. “Can I get you more?” The smile returned even brighter.  
“Please.”

Loki awoke to the sounds of snoring. Everyone lay sprawled on couches throughout the room with the exception of Thor who snored loudly beside him, slumped in a chair. He looked around in confusion for a moment before his memory returned. He gasped, his hands hovering over the gauze wrapped around his throat. He turned his head gently but felt no pain and slowly touched the side of his neck.   
He felt no pain as he applied pressure, either. He sat up, feeling remarkably well and looked around the room. It was dark, but it wasn’t. It confused him. He could see everything in exquisite detail, but he knew the only light to be seen was from the moon shining in the wall-length windows. Everything in the room was plain to his eyes. Well, it wasn’t actually plain at all. Everything seemed to be almost alive and indescribable beautiful. The moonlight upon the glass, the city beyond, the texture of fabric. It entranced him and it was long before he could drag his eyes away from the drape of the curtains and the shimmer they gave off when the moonlight hit them.   
And his ears began to pick up sounds he knew he shouldn’t be able to hear. He could hear everyone’s stomach gurgling and bubbling, every tiny movement they made, even the elevator moving far below them. He could hear the murmur of voices in the floors below them. He shook his head in confusion. It wasn’t possible; his hearing was no better than a human’s for all his other abilities.   
He looked down at himself and saw the giant needle in his arm and shivered. He carefully undid the tape holding it in place and slid the needle out. Immediately a thin line of blood dripped down his arm. He stopped cold, his heart thudding painfully.   
He could smell it. He could smell his own blood and he had never smelled anything more enticing. Without thinking his tongue darted out and swiped from wrist to the puncture site. He shuddered as his blood filled his mouth, chills dragging up his spine. It was incomparable. It was crippling him with ecstacy. He wanted more, the tiny wound had already closed but not before another trail leaked down his arm. He lapped that up with a moan and then froze, his eyes wide.  
“What am I doing?" he gasped. He felt terror wash over him and a wave of nausea hit him. He had never before done such a thing. He had never tasted blood and relished it. The feeling that had raced through him had been nearly orgasmic. It wasn’t natural, and he huddled there, paralyzed with fear. “What happened to me?" he gasped as he remembered horrible revenants leaping upon him, biting him, hurting him. He again lightly touched the bandages that encircled his throat. He needed to see how bad it was.  
His hands shook as he pulled the blankets away from his body and stood. He waited a moment, fearing dizziness, but nothing happened. He found his way through the walls of plastic separting him and Thor from everyone else and headed for the nearest bathroom. He slowly unraveled the gauze around his throat and found nothing. Not lacerations, not even a bruise. The only evidence was the padding soaked with brown blood. But the scent of the dried blood almost made him retch. He threw them in the garbage. He found another great bandage on his inner thigh and his left wrist. Another was closer to his shoulder than his throat. He found no wounds or bruising. He suddenly recalled the agony of those ragged teeth clamping down on him and shuddered.  
It wasn’t right. Even with his magic he’d never healed this fast. His hands were shaking again. He needed suddenly to look in the mirror even though the thought terrified him. He gasped in shock at what he saw. His eyes drew his attention first. They glimmered like emeralds, the color deeper and a truer green than ever before. His skin was smooth and even paler than he remembered it, almost like alabaster. His hair now shone blue in the light and looked thicker and even a bit longer. He gripped the edge of the sink and heard a strange squeal and a deafening pop. Porcelain flew everywhere, the tiny bits striking his skin. He leapt back in shock and slammed hard into the wall behind him, hearing tiles shatter and drywall crack. He heard confused murmurs coming from down the hall.   
He froze, his heart beating wildly. He heard footsteps coming quickly toward him.  
“Loki?” it was his brother’s voice, but not as he’d ever known it. It was richer, almost musical to his ears. He felt a gentle tap vibrate through the door and up his spine. He was afraid to speak, would his voice be changed as well? Was anything the same? 

Loki opened the bathroom door slowly. His eyes were wide and he seemed utterly terrified. His hands shook badly.  
“Brother, what-?” Thor began, then stopped and stared. They all did. Steve, Bruce, Clint, Tony, and Natasha stood in the hallway gaping at his throat, at the vicious wounds that were gone as if they had never been. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.  
”You ok buddy?” Tony said softly. Loki shuddered and shook his head.  
“There is something very wrong with me.”

TBC


	2. The Trap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki discovers exactly how he has changed

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch(AO3) aka: Kichi (Fanfiction.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: lots of blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death)  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. 

 

The ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose and now he  
Made you believe  
The ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle  
He deceives  
The raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he  
Sees  
Now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease

 

New York

Bruce reached for Loki’s arm.  
“Don’t worry ok? Just come back with us and sit down. Whatever’s happened, we’ll do whatever we can to help.” The sadness that suddenly overwhelmed Loki was unlike anything he’d ever felt. He winced, clutching his chest as his heart ached. Thor and Bruce immediately grabbed his shoulders.  
“Brother are you in pain?”  
“Are you alright?” Bruce said at the same time.   
“I- it’s nothing.” he said, his face going carefully blank. Clint and Natasha exchanged a glance and took a step back when Loki’s eyes rose to glare at them. “I’m not lying!” he snapped.  
“We didn’t say anything!” Clint said, his eyes wide. Loki scoffed, incredulous.  
“I heard you both!” he demanded.  
“Loki, they said nothing that I could hear...” Thor began, trailing off in confusion. Bruce and Tony drew closer. He felt Steve and Thor behind him. They were surrounding him. He began to pluck nervously at his left palm.  
“Loki, you need to rest-” Steve said.  
“I’m fine!” Tony and Bruce exchanged glances next. From Tony he heard: ‘He looks like he’s going to wig out.’ From Bruce: ‘He’s having a reaction from the transfusion of some kind.’  
He heard them as if they’d spoken, but their lips hadn’t moved. He was no telepath. He’d never had that skill. And the terrifying sense of wrongness slammed him in the gut again. He felt the blood drain from his face.  
“Ok, ok, grab him!” Bruce cried as his knees buckled.

He awoke and saw the sun. It was brilliant. The colors and textures of the room were positively alive. He stared, enraptured for a long time. He finally pulled his gaze away from the sunlight and noticed he was alone. Even Thor was gone. But he knew they were near. He could hear them.   
He had to get out of the tower. He couldn’t trust his magic until he knew what had truly happened to him. But something was different. Very different from anything he knew. He felt light and strong. His hearing and sense of smell had never been so attuned. He needed to get to his room and grab clothes. He couldn’t wander about in underwear and he knew with grim certainty that he had to get as far away from Stark tower as he could. Everyone would insist that he remain trapped behind the flimsy plastic barrier, and he knew he couldn’t tolerate another moment.  
He was in his room in seconds, running through the hall to his room with a speed and stealth he’d never possessed before. He wasn’t short of breath in the slightest and no one had heard him, he was certain. He was as delighted as he was horrified. He dressed quickly and paused to think. He had to get out but how? No one used the stairs, did they? Would the humans in their huge, protective suits try to stop him? He couldn’t risk it. He needed to get out without being seen. Perhaps if he moved fast enough, and quietly enough he could. There were four stairwells total. If one was occupied at a certain floor he could bypass them by going to another. He heard no one in the hall and peered out. No one was around. He quickly ran to the elevators and listened hard. None were in use. If he used one someone would notice. He ran to the southern stairwell and heard nothing. He opened the door and listened. He heard nothing. He hurried down the stairs and was shocked at how quickly he was able to travel. He traveled faster and faster, listening hard for anyone approaching the stairs, but heard nothing until he reached the fourth floor. There were humans at the bottom floor. He opened the door quietly and peeked into the fourth floor. He heard nothing and smelled nothing but stale air. He ran to the west stairwell door and listened carefully before opening the door. No one was within and he nearly flew down the stairs in his haste. The door leading outside was locked, but he simply twisted the knob harder and it came off in his hand. He stuck his index finger in the hole and pushed the other doorknob out, then when that did nothing he began to grow worried. He didn’t want to make noise. He pulled a knife from his pocket and jammed it into the lock with ease. He wrenched it down and the knife and lock both broke. He opened the door with a sigh and took all the broken pieces with him. The sky was darker than when he’d woken up and he was shocked when he realized he’d slept an entire day. He thought of his brother’s worry when he discovered Loki gone.  
“Should have left a note.” He didn’t want anyone to worry, but he had to go. The wild fluttering in his chest had ceased the moment the door opened and he stepped into the alley. He wasn’t about to go back until he discovered a few things.

The hazmat team was leaving and Stark employees were returning. They had run samples of Loki’s blood through every test they could think of and nothing suggested that he had anything capable of being transmitted to other’s in anyway. They had taken blood samples from everyone else on the team and they all were cleared. Some of the doctors Fury had sent over were still babbling excitedly about what little they had so far gleaned from Loki and Thor’s blood, but the Avenger’s were assured that Loki could come out of isolation. Especially considering he’d already left it, but they failed to mention that. They had gone down a floor to keep from waking Loki who was still unconscious when they’d left. And as soon as Thor had been assured that his younger brother was not contagious he’d refused to listen to anything more Fury had to say on the subject, electing to be the first to give Loki the good news.  
When the rest of the team reached their floor they could hear Thor calling Loki’s name quite loudly.  
They saw the bed was empty and heard Thor running through the penthouse.  
“Thor!” Steve called. “Loki isn’t here?” Thor ran into the living area where everyone stood, looking dumbfounded.  
“He’s not here!” Thor cried, his expression aggrieved. “He changed clothes and that’s all I can tell! I can find him nowhere.” Natasha and Clint exchanged a glance and Thor saw it, and he scowled. “I tire of the surreptitious glances between you two!” he snapped, advancing on the pair. “If you have something to say, do so!”  
“Thor,” Natasha sighed, “We are worried, that is all.” Clint nodded, his expression unreadable.   
“Calm down, buddy.” Steve said, “Maybe he just went to get some fresh air.” Tony’s head cocked to the side in that peculiar way that said he’d just had an idea.  
“Excuse me for a second.”

He returned several minutes later with a triumphant grin.  
“Now, don’t get angry.” He began looking pointedly at Thor. “But your brother is wearing a tracking device.” Thor scowled, but said nothing when Bruce gave his arm a squeeze. Tony held his hands up in surrender. “In my defense, he did ask for it. He just doesn’t know it.”  
“What are you talking about?” Steve said, hoping that Tony would get to the point sooner than later. He wasn’t sure why, but Loki’s disappearance left him feeling extremely uneasy. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, he did quite a bit. Loki had been their team mate for over half a year, and he’d been nothing but unfailingly polite to Steve. In fact, for several months the only person he’d tease would be Thor. Then he began to tease Tony, which began a back and forth of trading barbs and trying not to laugh that had amused everyone. Not only that- it had put the more reluctant Avenger’s at ease in a way that his perfect manners hadn’t.  
“Well, I had a lovely emerald ring that caught your brother’s eye. I had installed a tracking device in it awhile ago. I told him he could have the ring, and I know he’s been wearing it ever since. And in my further defense, I totally forgot the tracking device was in there when I gave it to him. Nevertheless,” He held up his cell phone and they saw a map with a green dot. “You can see here, that the tracking device is working, he is wearing it, he’s in Central Park, and you can all thank me for being a genius later.” Thor leapt to his feet and dragged Tony into a bone-crushing hug. “Later I said!” Tony squeaked.

It was a short walk that led him into Central Park. He didn’t acknowledge what he was looking for, to do so would be unbearable. So he lied to himself. He told himself he wanting nothing more than to see how his magic was affected. He told himself he could do nothing at Stark tower. What if he shattered every inch of glass on accident? What if he hurt one of the Avenger’s? He was loathe to admit that he was growing fond of them. It was just one more lie he told himself.   
He caught himself sniffing at the air, and tried to stop, but he’d already caught a whiff of something that was making his throat burn and his mouth water. The sky was growing dark, but he didn’t allow himself to think about how easy it would be, was going to be. He wandered through the forest surrounded on all sides by massive towers of concrete, steel, and glass and refused to think about what was going to happen.  
Until it happened.  
A young couple was being held up at gun point. He didn’t plan or even think. One moment he stumbled upon the scene, the next he had the robber in his arms. He caught the gun as the would-be thief tried to pistol-whip him and squeezed his hand gently. The man shrieked as every bone in his hand shattered. He heard the couple running away as he leaned closer, sniffing the man’s throat.  
“Let me go!” The man hissed. “I’ll fucking kill you.” Loki smiled, his heart hammering. A part of him was screaming for him to stop, but he could not. He bit down on the man’s throat- too hard. Blood sprayed all over his face and shirt, but he didn’t notice. The only thing he could feel was the hot blood pouring down his throat. It was blessed relief, he moaned as he crushed the man in his arms sending another hot spurt down his throat. But it was over too quickly. The man’s last breath rattled out of his throat as Loki dropped him. He looked down at himself and saw he was covered with the man’s blood, except for his hands. They were spotless. He blinked in shock and stared down at the corpse crumpled at his feet, backing away hastily. He had to get the hell away from it. A strange revulsion he’d never felt before upon seeing a corpse swept through him and he hurried away.

He wanted more. He knew people were near, he could hear them, and smell them. He smelled pet dogs and other forest creatures, but these did not entice him in the slightest. He hurried down a path and saw a woman jogging alone. He almost felt sorry for her until his throat began to burn again, and her scent filled his nostrils. He waited until she jogged past to grab her. She screamed behind the hand he clapped over her mouth and whimpered when he bit down. He was careful this time. No more arterial blood spray, it went all down his parched throat, but again he squeezed her too hard in his excitement. He bones cracked and another hot gush came into his mouth so forcefully it almost shot out his nose. A few more swallows that sent shivers up his spine and he let her drop. He left her on the path without a backward glance and sniffed the air until he smelled water. It was a few miles so he decided to run to see just how fast he could go.   
The world flew past and he laughed with delight. He found ‘The Lake’ and rolled his eyes as he saw the sign. “Clever name.” he sighed and waded in until the water was up to his armpits, then sank under the water and began to scrub himself furiously.

“Look at him, Jeremiah!”  
“Indeed Lord.”  
“He is unlike any we have tried to use before.”  
“He still has a mind to manipulate.”  
“Yes. The other’s were all walking corpses by now.”   
“Shall we collect him now?”  
“We must. Tony Stark draws near.”

Something blue caught Loki’s attention. And once it did he could not look away. He climbed out of the water and drew closer until he could see the very same blue bauble they had found in Yangshuo. His memory was hazy on this point but he had been sure he’d seen it in Tony Stark’s hands. The moment he touched it his entire body seized and he collapsed. He felt hands grabbing him and dragging him through the dirt, but he couldn’t move to stop them.

Tony Stark landed in Central Park. The tracer led him there, but then suddenly headed east, and as he saw a sleek jet suddenly fly past the signal told him Loki was inside. He went after them, but the jet was fast and armed. Not that he wasn’t, but whoever was within did not want him joining their party. Missiles shot out and flew after him and it took all his concentration to evade and destroy them without allowing any to hit any buildings.  
“Cap, I’m under fire, and someone’s taken Loki unless he stole a Lockheed SR 71 Blackbird and learned how to fly it.”  
“I am calling Nick Fury. I think we’ll need some backup. Unless you can-”  
“What? Shoot them down and possibly kill Loki? I’m sure Thor would love that.”  
“Is he still wearing the tracking device?”  
“Yes, and it’s working.”  
“Alright then come back. We’ll get some support and figure out a plan.”

Tony returned to the tower and Natasha immediately grabbed him and pulled him to the side.  
“There were several murders in Central Park. All of the victims were bitten. Their blood was drained.” Tony knew the feeling and it was obvious to Natasha and gripped his arms shaking him lightly. “Tony! Now is not the time to faint!” she admonished, slapping his cheek.   
“Does Thor know?” Natasha scowled.  
“He saw the news report first. He said he had to return to Asgard. He seemed convinced that there was something he could get to help Loki.”   
“Did you call Fury.”  
“How the hell can we do that now?” Clint snapped. “If Loki killed those people-”  
“And we’re sure we want to try and get him back?” Tony asked, staring around the room. It was Bruce who replied.  
“Thor is convinced that his father has some type of magical artifact that will help.”   
“So, what? We just sit on our asses waiting for Thor to return and hope the body count doesn’t go too high this time?”  
“What else are you suggesting?” Steve said, standing from his place in front of the television and coming closer.  
“I’m suggesting that Jimmy was right!” Tony cried. “You saw those things that attacked him! Do you really think that he wants to end up that way?”  
“Of course not! Tony, that will be our last option-” Steve began,   
“And what if the longer we wait the harder it will be to stop him?”  
“We’ve promised Thor that we will do everything we can to help him first.” Steve said in a voice that Tony knew all too well. He looked around the room and saw that everyone had made up their minds and he was the odd man out.  
“Fine.” he snapped, throwing his hands up in disgust. “If anyone needs me- doesn’t matter no one’s listening anyway.” he stalked away muttering furiously.

Loki awoke in what appeared to be an ancient human dungeon. The walls were carved into the rock and seeped with moisture. The bars were old, but thick, and he grabbed them, rattling them with all his strength. They held firm.  
“Shit.”


	3. the escape

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch(AO3) aka: Kichi (Fanfiction.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and probably some sex  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.

 

How did you get so big?  
How did you get so strong?  
How did you get so hard?  
How did you get so long?

 

He heard footsteps approaching, heavy doors and squealing hinges, and the sound of something being dragged. The man that stopped outside his cell was huge. His muscles even made Thor look weak by comparison. Over his shoulder hung a small human female clad in a filthy, ragged dress. He unlocked Loki's door and slid it open. Loki shot to his feet.  
"Stay back. I am far stronger than you, and I have permission to hurt you if you try and escape." the man smirked. "And I do love it when people try to escape." his voice was perfectly polite and even cultured. But his expression made it clear that he was well-versed in causing agony, and he enjoyed nothing better. He threw the young woman practically in Loki's lap, smiling as he gasped and caught her. The door slid shut with a clang that made him cringe, the sound piercing his ears, the key twisted in the lock. "Enjoy. This is the last you will be getting for quite awhile." He stared down at the woman in his arms as the behemoth walked away.  
He took in her scent, it was unlike anything he had smelled yet. Her blood smelled strange. He had little experience in this matter, but every human he'd passed in and on his way to Central Park had smelled simply delectable. But this woman smelled wrong somehow. She smelled good, but not in any way that made him desire to feed on her. He brushed her hair back from her face and gasped.   
He knew her face. She was bruised and filthy and malnourished, but he had not forgotten her.

Jane Foster slowly opened her eyes. She saw the door to her cell and closed her eyes, feeling tears begin to burn.   
"Don't cry Jane." an unfamiliar voice murmured and she started in fear. "Shh, it's alright. I won't hurt you." It was then that she realized she was cradled in someone's arms. She tried to sit up and if he hadn't adjusted his grip and propped her up she wouldn't have been able. She leaned away from him to get a good look. He was very handsom, and vaguely familiar. His eyes were a mesmerizing shade of emerald green that she has never seen before. "Do you remember me?" he asked gently. She shook her head, shivering. He released her briefly and removed his coat and draped it over her.  
"Thank you." she said, her voice a scratchy rasp.  
"I am Loki. Thor's younger brother."  
"No. I saw him die." she said, then stopped looking at him closer, squinting in the dim light.  
"Ah, yes. About that." he chuckled nervously. "I actually didn't die." he suddenly didn't want to admit he faked the whole tragic scene.  
"Oh my God." she moaned, and he tensed. "And we left you there? I'm so sorry!" he closed his eyes and grimaced.  
"You have nothing to apologize for."  
"But I saw-"  
"Exactly what I wanted you and Thor to see." he cut her off with a sigh. He resolutely stared ahead, unable to look at her. He felt ashamed as he heard her sputter indignantly and relaxed his grip the moment she sought to escape. She squirmed away and drew back with a hiss.  
"You bastard." she slapped him. It was an even weaker blow that the first time she'd struck him. "How could you do that to Thor?" Loki scowled, still not looking at her.  
"He's hurt me far worse in the past." he murmured, still unable to look at her.  
"I doubt that." Loki merely nodded. He sighed, his expression wounded.  
"Of course. No one ever believes me when I tell the truth." She sighed and glared at him. But the expression softened when she took in his posture and his features. He looked defeated. He looked as if her reaction was the same as everyone else's. He didn't appear as if he blamed her, but was disappointed nonetheless.   
"I'm sorry." she said and lightly touched his arm. He said nothing, merely continued to stare at his hands as they fidgeted in his lap. "So.." she began. "The Mandarin has plans for you as well?"  
"I suppose. I do not know what, and I have no intention of helping him." she scoffed at that, her smile bitter.  
"I didn't, either." she said and her expression crumpled, her hands rising up to cover her face. He could smell her tears and reached out hesitantly. He didn't know why, but her pain hit him like a knife in the heart. The moment she felt his hand on her, she leaned close and sighed in relief when he pulled her back into his arms.  
She didn't know how long she had been prisoner, but she could not refuse an offer of comfort. Even if it came from Thor's younger, psychotic brother. And right then he seemed anything but deranged. He squeezed her gently and ran his fingers through her hair, and it immediately calmed her. And she couldn't help but notice that he was warm, and strong, and he smelled wonderful. But that last thought made her blush in shame at her own wretched state. She couldn't remember the last time they had blasted her with a hose of icy water.  
"It's all right." he said, as if he'd guessed her thoughts. She sobbed and clutched him tighter, burying her face in his chest, suddenly overcome.   
Her tears were affecting him in ways that no one else's ever had. He wanted to disembowl those who had hurt her. He was catching brief flashes from her mind, and he was growing infuriated. He didn't know what it was about her that was making him feel so protective. True, she had been thin to begin with, but she was even more so now, he could easily feel her ribs. He could hear her stomach rumbling loudly and feel her hunger, it was drawing attention to his own, which frightened him suddenly. But the scent of her blood was all wrong. It did not smell appetizing in any way, and it soothed the burn in his throat and made him forget his hunger. Soon the rumbles in her stomach elicited only worry from him that they were slowly starving her.  
He saw old and new bruises covering her thin arms and again felt a fury that shocked him. He could admit to himself that he'd found he quite beautiful from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her. He also could admit that the idea of Thor catching him with his face firmly between her legs was one that he had dwelled on before. Not only would Thor hate him for it, but the idea of not getting caught and doing even more to her had made him even more excited.   
But he really didn't want to do a thing like that to Thor. He did love his brother, but last he'd heard- from Thor's own lips- he and Jane were no longer in a relationship. So, it wouldn't matter at this point anyway.  
Loki blinked in surprise at the direction his thoughts had turned and tried to think of something else.

Jane wiped her tears with her hands, leaving smudges on her cheeks and Loki pulled a silk handkerchief from the pocket of the jacket he'd covered her with and handed it to her. "Don't cry Jane." he said again, his voice soft, and comforting in a way that she'd never thought she'd witness. She nodded quickly and straightened. She noticed that he still held her close, as if he didn't want to release her let. And she found she didn't mind, she hadn't felt so safe in what seemed like forever.

They heard they door at the end of the cell block open and footseps approach. Loki set Jane on the ground and stood in front of her. The giant brute from before had returned.   
"I'm here for the corpse."  
"What?" Loki said, uncomprehending for a moment. The huge man blinked in surprise.   
"Well, you have more self control than the other's. Good for you. Just for that, when you do kill her, I'll leave her corpse in here with you for a month. See how you like that."  
"I'm not going to kill her!" Loki snapped, incredulous. He felt Jane shivering behind him and he cursed the beast for frightening her.  
"Oh you will. Once you get thirsty enough- I've seen enough to know. You may last a few hours more- a day at the very most. But after that you won't even realize you've done it until it's over." He laughed at the expression on Loki's face and walked away. Jane flinched when the door slammed shut. 

Loki clenched his fists then grabbed the bars, pulling as hard as he could. They began to squeal and then he released them with a gasp. He panted as he surveyed the damage. He shook his head in disgust. They had bent more than he'd imagined they would, but were nowhere near breaking. He had to get the hell out of here. Whatever they had kidnapped Jane for, it was clear they had no more use for her. They expected him to feed on her, but her strange blood was not tempting him in the slightest. The only thing he really felt was an overwhelming need to get her away from this place as fast as he could.  
He turned to look at her and saw her still shivering.  
"Jane. I'm not going to hurt you. I swear on my life." he said, unable to think of anything else he could swear on that she might believe.   
"What was he talking about Loki?" he voice was calm, and she raised her head when he knelt before her. From her mind he saw images of the vile beasts that attacked him. She knew of the Jiang Shi. He felt his stomach sour and could no longer meet her gaze.  
"Those things... They attacked me." he felt her stiffen in fear. "They almost killed me."  
"And now..?" she said, when it was clear he didn't want to say more. She saw a tear slip down his cheek and his shoulders shook. She wanted to comfort him, but she was frozen in place. "Loki?" she gasped.  
"I swear, I won't hurt you. You're not like anyone else. You don't - your blood doesn't smell like anything I want."  
"Oh my God." she moaned. She saw him flinch. He still dared not look at her and she saw another tear slide down his ivory skin. He clutched his upper arms, hugging himself. It made her heart ache. "Loki.." it hurt her to seem him like this. He had just spent the better part of an hour comforting her. But she was afraid. She knew what the Jiang Shi were. She could see that he was nothing like them. But there was someting very different about him. And by his own admission he'd been attacked by the creatures. He knew the difference between her blood and - she couldn't finish the thought.  
"I didn't meant to!" he cried. "I couldn't stop myself!" his hands rose up to cover his face. "But I swear, you're not the same at all. I don't know what it is. I only know that I would die before I ever hurt you." his hands dropped to his lap and she saw his fists clench. He still wouldn't look at her, his raven hair hiding his face.   
She knew he was being honest. Something inside her acknowledged it without disput and she felt her whole body relax. She sighed.  
"I believe you." she said, but instead of calming him down, she saw his mouth twist and tears began to drip from both cheeks even faster and his shoulders began to shake. She sat up in alarm and inched closer until she was right next to him. She put her arms around him slowly, tightening her grip when he shuddered violently. "Shh.. it will be all right." she said, trying to reassure him as he had done earlier for her.  
They stayed that way for awhile until her stomach roared in protest and he sat up quickly, looking alarmed.  
"It's all right." she said softly.  
"No it isn't. I have to get you out of here." he stood up and with a frustrated huff he kicked the cell door as hard as he could. It flew into the opposite wall with a bang and for a moment Loki could only stare in shock.  
"Holy shit." he heard Jane mutter.  
"I- I feel so stupid right now!" he snapped. Jane giggled weakly.  
"I guess you don't know your own strength."  
"It would appear not." he mumbled darkly, causing her to laugh harder. He felt a flash of irritation, but when he looked at her face, the feeling disappeared and he felt himself smiling in return.   
He offered his coat again and she gratefully pulled it on. Jane tried to struggle to her feet, but he picked her up before she could make it to her knees. She weighed nothing in his arms, and it alarmed him. He could feel her bones so easily. He didn't know how long it would take a human to starve, but he doubted it was very long. Her head rested on his shoulder and she sighed.   
"This may sound weird, given what I know of you, but you are defenitely not what I expected." Loki carried her out of the wretched cell.  
"Is that good?" she laughed weakly.  
"Yes. It's very good." He smiled.

He had to set her on her feet when they reached the next door. She wobbled unsteadily and he put her back to the wall so she could lean on it. "I'm fine." she assured him when she saw his expression.   
The door was opened after he tore the pins out of the hinges and wrenched it out of the frame. Immediately the giant thug came racing toward him.   
"Jane, don't look!" he snapped and she covered her eyes. He was on the man the moment his eyes left hers and when he bit down it had never been easier and the hot blood flooded his mouth in a delicious gush. He drank so quickly the beast's heart stopped before he drained him. Loki let him drop and looked down to see he hadn't spilled a drop on his clothes this time. He turned back to see Jane huddled in the doorway, her hands over her eyes. "Jane. Are you all right?"  
"Yes." she whispered. He drew closer and she uncovered her eyes, blinking at him wearily. "Do I look that bad?" she said when she saw his expression. He knelt beside her and gathered her close again.   
"I am worried because I do not know how long humans can go without food. I need to get you to some place safe."  
"I'll be fine. I swear. I ate this morning. Just get us out of here, please."  
"Of course." He carried her down another long hall that opened to a large room. It was full of tables crowded with computers and screens. He saw the Mandarin and another of his lackeys jump to their feet. The Mandarin held the strange blue ball aloft with a grin that quickly became an expression of shock.  
"It isn't working you fool!" the Mandarin hissed. The one he'd called Jeremiah spluttered in shock, unable to respond.   
"Loki, you have to destroy that thing." Jane whispered in his ear. He tried to ignore the shiver that shot down his spine when her warm breath touched him. He tried something then that he'd been afraid to since this nightmare began. He gathered his power and sent out an illusion, smiling when the Mandarin and Jeremiah both started in alarm and began to attack each other. The orb sailed through the air and shattered as it hit the ground. The two men continued to beat each other senseless and Jane sighed in relief. Loki carried her out of the room and into the foyer of the main entrance, then out into the night.

It was an hour before he saw civilization and headed towards it. Jane had fallen asleep in his arms after only a few minutes and he was grateful for the strength that allowed him to carry her for miles without tiring.   
He found a road and followed it, relieved as the lights grew brighter and denser. He had to get Jane to a place where she could rest and get something to eat. Just as the forest ended there were tall buildings looming. They were decorated with writing that he could not decipher in the slightest, but the closer he got and the longer he looking at the signs, their meaning became clear. As soon as he spotted one that he was certain said: "Hotel" he hurried toward it. He was relieved the hour was so late. No one was awake to question him as to why he carried a young woman who looked half dead.  
The man behind the counter nodded at Loki as he explained that he needed a room. His English was just good enough that Loki could make him understand that he needed a room for a few days and he didn't want to be bothered, except by servants who brought the food Jane desperately needed. He took of the ring that Stark had given him and offered it to the man, whose eyes brightened immediately. He began to nod rapidly and handed him a key.

He smiled when he realized the desk clerk had given him one of their best rooms. It was large and beautiful and the view was quite lovely. He set Jane upon the bed and she sighed, snuggling into the soft bed spread. She really was beautiful. He couldn't help but stare at her as she slept unaware. Again the image came to him of pleasuring her until she screamed in ecstacy and he stood abruptly and headed to the bathroom to take a cold shower.

TBC..  
I really had fun writing that.  
Yesterday I read "Fostering Love" by: aeternitas812 and it was the first and only Loki/Jane Foster fanfic I'd ever read and I fucking loved it, so now I have to have them get together because frankly, now I'm obsessed.


	4. the truth

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch(AO3) aka: Kichi (Fanfiction.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and probably some sex  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.

 

You had to give them all a sign, didn't you?  
You had to covet what was mine, didn't you?  
The ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies  
Maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will  
Suddenly realize  
Maybe it's a part of me you took to a place I hoped it would never go  
And maybe that fucked me up so much more than you'll ever know

 

When Jane awoke next the sun was either ready to set, or had just risen. She sat up and looked around until she spotted her unlikely savior. He lay sprawled across a leather couch pale and quiet. The lack of color in his skin suddenly frightened her and she struggled to get out of bed. Her legs were weak, but she stumbled over to him without falling. For a moment she just stared at him. She could see he was breathing now that she was closer. She was for a moment unable to look away from his face. He was quite handsom. She wasn't sure why she hadn't noticed before, but then she'd only had eyes for Thor when she'd met Loki. And she could admit to herself that she'd been afraid of him.  
But she wasn't now. She didn't know how far he'd carried her, but she knew it had to be far. The one time she'd escaped, she'd ran until her lungs had nearly burst and had never seen a hint of civilization.  
He's exhausted. she thought, looking down at him. No wonder he's so pale. She didn't want to wake him, but then she didn't have to. His eyes suddenly opened and when he saw her standing above him he sat up, his expression concerned.  
"What's wrong?" he said, his voice deeper than usual with sleep.  
"Nothing." he looked confused a moment then blinked.  
"Oh! I got food for you!" he said, looking irritated that that hadn't been his first thought. Her stomach snarled and he winced, jumping to his feet. He swept her off of hers and placed her gently back in bed before she could protest and left the room.

He returned quickly with a bowl of soup and some orange juice on a tray that was obviously meant for eating in bed. She smiled and thanked him and asked him to sit. He hesitated only a moment.   
"Where are we?"  
"Yangshuo, I think." he said. "I am not entirely certain. The topography is very similar, but we could be in another town entierly. I was not conscious when I was brought to the cell. And they took my device for calling the Avenger's." when he saw her frown he was quick to assure her: "I have amply paid for the room for a month, the man at the desk has assured me. I only want you to eat and rest until you are feeling better and then we can leave. If that takes longer, I will figure something out, do not worry." she nodded and ate slowly, sipping her juice.  
"Loki, I need to take a bath. I need clothes." He nodded.   
"I've gotten you clothing. I can start the bath now for you if you want."  
"I can do it-"  
"No." he said, shaking his head quickly. "It is no trouble, I assure you. Eat some more, I will let you know when it is ready."

He had set the clothes on a small wooden shelf. She picked them up and found it was a thin white robe with a lovely green and blue outer robe with bamboo embroidered on the hem, sleeves, and collar. It looked expensive. She smiled as she admired the embroidery. There was no bra or panties, but she wasn't entirely surprised, for all she knew, he had no clue what they were. Thor certainly hadn't. But the giggles the undergarments had elicited from him had quickly dissolved her embarassment and replaced it with mirth. She'd never seen him laugh so hard.  
She realized that she would love to see Loki laugh like that as well. She had never imagined he would be so damned considerate and downright sweet. It was disarming, completely. The water was steaming gently and she dipped her hand in. It felt perfect and she shed the filthy clothing she'd been wearing for so long and sank into the water moaning in bliss.

It was at least an hour later that she emerged from the bathroom, her skin scrubbed pink and she did smell wonderful, but it wasn't her blood that he wanted. The very idea made his stomach rebel so violently that he grimaced.  
"Loki?" she said, he heard the wariness in her voice and sighed.   
"Yes?"  
"Are you feeling ok?" he glanced at her, his expression blank.   
"Yes."   
"Are you.. Hungry?" she said, her voice quiet. He smiled and shook his head.  
"I'm fine. I promise." then his brow furrowed. "Do you want me to leave?"  
"No!" she blurted. "I mean, of course not!" she appeared flustered suddenly, her cheeks a delicate pink. "You saved my life, I'm not going to kick you out!" He relaxed visibly at that. "You have no idea- I was certain I was going to die in that place."  
"Actually, I know that feeling quite well." he said, his expression dark.  
"Thor told me that he thought something terrible had happened to you." Loki abruptly stood and turned to walk away but she grabbed his hand and he froze. "It's ok! We don't have to talk about it. I swear I won't mention it again! I'm sorry! Don't leave, Loki." his resolve crumbled and when she gently tugged his wrist he sat beside her. He stared out the window at the still-glowing horizon. "We won't forget, but one day it will be ok. Time has a way of doing that." she scooted closer until they were touching and looked up at him with a smile that made him feel weak and wonderful at the same time. He pulled his arm back to allow her to get closer and was relieved when she did just that, then he pulled her closer still, smiling at he soft laugh. They watched the last of the light fade from the sky in silence.  
"You should try to eat some more." he said. "Are you hungry?"  
"A little." she said. He released her and stood.   
"I'll get you something." he promised. "By the way, there is one of those televisions you humans adore so much in here, but what little I watched was very bizarre." Jane smiled at him and for a moment he was at a loss as he stared at her lovely face. He smiled back and turned away shaking his head in apparent astonishment, at what she wasn't sure.

He returned to find her sitting on the couch in the living area watching the television. She had a large fluffy blanket wrapped around her and she appeared confounded. He almost laughed at her expression, but when he saw the television he nearly dropped everything as he burst into laughter. A man was writhing on a floor covered with mouse traps. He cried out repeatedly as more snapped down on his flesh. Others watched, threw more more traps at the struggling man, and laughed as he struggled toward a hunk of cheese in the corner. Jane watched Loki in delight as he laughed.  
"What in all the realms was that?" he gasped, wiping his eyes, when he'd finally stopped laughing.  
"A show called Jackass. It's American. And they did these kinds of things all the time. Watch, there's more."

Loki had never laughed that hard in his life, his sides ached, his cheeks ached, but he hadn't felt that good in so long, he honestly couldn't remember it. He remembered a few times he'd laughed that hard- mostly at Thor's expense- but those times were inevitably followed by a beating or a punishment of some kind. This was much better. The only people getting hurt were the insane humans on the television.   
Jane sat beside him as she ate and she watched him more than the show, she was delighted she was getting her wish, and she had to admit, some of it was making her laugh as well. When she could eat no more she set the bowl on the low table in front of them and scooted closer until she was snuggled up against his side. He pulled her closer with a sigh and looked down at her as if he couldn't fathom her.  
"I like you." Jane said, unable to stop herself.   
"I know." Loki said, as if the very idea completely baffled him.  
"Do you?" She sat back, eyeing him with mock consternation. He looked slightly wounded.  
"Well, I mean, you must. No one is ever this nice to me."  
"Oh." Jane said, "Well, I don't understand that. You're obviously not as bad as you think-"  
"I've killed people Jane." he said abruptly releasing her and sitting back. "I will have to kill more people just to survive now! You're lucky that your blood doesn't smell like blood or I may have killed you long before now!"  
"I know!" Jane snapped. "I know that, Loki! But I also know that you aren't doing it because you want to! I saw those horrible things, you aren't like them! And what if you returned to Asgard-"  
"I cannot!" he snapped, cutting her off again. "I may never return there. I've been banished forever."  
"But Thor-"  
"He is no doubt searching for me as we speak, I am aware of that. That was why I thought it best to stay put." Jane nodded.  
"I'm sorry." she said. "I didn't meant to upset you." He sighed and sank back against the couches soft cushions again.  
"I am as well. I... Overreacted. I... Sometimes do that." he muttered darkly. Jane untangled herslef from the blankets and rose a bit unsteadily from the couch. Loki gripped her elbow to steady her.  
"Can we go for a walk? Or would that be a bad idea?" Jane said, desperate to change the subject. Loki stood and offered his arm.  
"I will not let anything hurt you." he said, his expression solemn. She felt her unease melt away and took his arm with a smile.

They hadn't walked far when her strength failed her. He scooped her up into his arms without comment and she sighed.  
"Are you all right?"  
"Yes, just tired I guess. But I need to get out and walk around." Loki nodded.  
"When you feel you can again, tell me."   
"You don't mind? I'm not to heavy?" He couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled out.  
"No, I could carry you all night!" she smiled.  
"Are you much stronger than before?" his smile faded and he appeared thoughtful.  
"It would seem so. And my endurance is greatly enhanced. The only thing I've noticed that alarms me is that I feel completely exhausted during the day and I can do nothing but sleep." Jane nodded.   
"It makes sense to me."  
"Does it?" He replied.  
"Yes. In every culture that has stories about vampires they all agree that vampires do not go out during the day."  
"Vampires?" Loki murmured. Jane sighed.  
"Yes, Loki. The Jiang Shi are like a cross between a zombie-"  
"A zombie?" Loki said, frowning.  
"Yes. Let me walk now." He set her down gently, but couldn't help but smile when she continued to hold his arm. "Zombies are dead humans that can still walk. They attack the living and try to eat them. If you get bitten by one, you become one eventually. Remind me to have you watch 'the walking dead' or 'night of the living dead'. Vampires are the same, but the don't feed on flesh, just blood." Loki tensed at her words. "They usually have fangs. But they can still think and talk and they are stronger and faster than humans. Zombies are slow and they continue to decay. Vampires live forever if they don't burn up in the sun. But I saw the sunlight touching you earlier, so you don't have to worry about that, it just makes you sleep."  
"Are you certain?" Loki said, his voice just above a whisper.   
"About as certain as anyone can be I suppose. You don't have fangs, I would have seen them earlier when you were watching 'Jackass'." she laughed softly then sighed and refused to look at him. "I tried not to look when you told me not to yesterday-" she felt him tense. "But I looked. Because I was sure I knew what I would see." Loki cringed. "But it wasn't what I thought I'd see at all. The Jiang Shi are horrifying. You are... Beautiful." He closed his eyes and she pressed her body against his side as she wrapped her arms around him. "I know you won't hurt me. I know I am safe with you. I know you are worried, but I saw those horrible things, and I know your experience was even more terrifying- but you are nothing like them. That's why I am not afraid. That's why I trust you." he sighed and turned into her embrace.   
He wasn't sure what to say. 'Thank you' seemed trite.  
"I am undeserving of your kindness, Jane." he said instead. She looked up at him and frowned.  
"Stop saying that." he wasn't sure he could, but he would try for her sake. He didn't want to argue with her.   
"Do you wish to walk some more?" he said, eager to change the subject. She nodded and let him go and turned back the way they had come.  
"Yes, back to the hotel, if you don't mind." she held out her hand for him and he took it, staring at their joined hands for a moment in surprise. If made her sad that such simple acts of kindness seemed completely foreign to him.   
"Not at all." he said with a smile.

Her legs gave out on the way back but he caught her easily before she could fall down in a heap. She couldn't stand being so helpless. The anger at Mandarin and his cohorts over her captivity and slow starvation bubbled up and she was suddenly crying.  
"What is wrong?" Loki said, anxiously. He picked up speed and soon they were back at the hotel. "Jane, please don't cry." he said, squeezing her tighter as they took the elevator up to their room.  
"I'm fine." she said dully as he carried her into the bedroom and sat her down on the bed.  
"You're not." he argued as he sat next to her. She wiped the tears from her face angrily.   
"I just want to get better." she said softly, her hair hanging in her face as she looked down at her hands figeting in her lap. He brushed her hair back and tucked it behind her ear.  
"You will." Loki assured her. "Oh, I just remembered!" he started to his feet and left the room. She heard him moving about in the tiny kitchenette. He returned with four small cupcakes, each a different flavor cake and icing. "Here." she smiled and wiped away another tear.  
"Thank you."

He left to get her more food after she ate the cupcakes. She didn't plan to eat them all but Loki insisted.  
"You have to eat. It's the only way you're going to get better, isn't it?" he'd asked. She couldn't argue, and they had each been delicious. She hated to think of it, but she wondered if he didn't go out to get food for her so he could find some poor human for himself as well. When he'd been gone nearly an hour she doubted he could be doing anything else. But she couldn't be entirely sure.  
When he returned his skin did look much less pale, and his expression was deeply troubled, and she was certain he had.  
"Is everything all right?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light. He put down a large paper bag and sat at the table as if he hadn't heard her. He put his head in his hands. "Loki, what happened?" she said, worry gnawing at her.   
"As soon as I left you, my throat began to burn." his voice was soft and as she sat next to him she saw his expression was one of shock. "It quickly became unbearable. As soon as I got to the street I attacked the first person I saw and dragged him into an alley. But that wasn't enough, the pain was still terrible. But another man had seen what I'd done, so I grabbed him as well. I had no control at all. I knew the second man was going to see, but I couldn't stop myself. How could it get so bad so quickly? What am I going to do?" Jane didn't know what to say.  
Well, actually she did.  
"I'm sorry, Loki." he scoffed.  
"None of this is your doing-"  
"Yes it is."

TBC


	5. the discovery

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch(AO3) aka: Kichi (ff.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and probably some sex  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.

 

What you gave to me  
My perfect ring of scars  
You know I can see   
what you really are

"What are you talking about?" he said, his expression wary.  
"That is why the Mandarin kidnapped me." she said. "To create a device to bring over creatures from another dimension. It didn't take long, I've learned so much from the Bifrost, the Tesseract, and even the remains of the Chitauri technology-" Loki began to laugh.   
"And you would have had access to none of those things had it not been for me!" he laughed again, bitterly. "Nor would you have been kidnapped and forced to build that device. So you see, my dear. Once again, all the horrible things that have befallen me and you have been directly caused by my past actions. And I always thought Thor was the fool."  
"Loki-" Jane began, but he cut her off.  
"It makes sense!" he cried. "Everything I do just makes me more monstrous! Even when I try to do what I think is right! How could I be such an idiot?!"  
"Loki!" Jane cried and he froze mid-step. "Stop it!" his shoulders slumped for a moment, but his face was still twisted with fury.  
"No! Don't you get it?!" he cried, turning to face her. "Every time you've cried since that bastard kidnapped you has been my fault! How the fuck can you even look at me?!" his face was dark with anger. Jane blinked in astonishment.  
"I've never heard you swear before." she commented softly. He scoffed and turned away. "Loki, believe me when I say that the only time you made me cry was when I saw you die. And I didn't even like you then." he laughed shortly, shaking his head. "And I don't blame you for all that's happened. And I hope you don't hate me-"  
"Don't be ridiculous!" he snapped. She smiled and reached out, grasping his arm.   
"It isn't ridiculous. You have to drink blood to survive because I built that device. The Mandarin knows nothing more than how to use a cell phone and a laptop. I could have easily built a bomb and levelled the place. But I didn't want to die there." Loki nodded but said nothing. The sky was growing pale and he was beginning to blink sleepily. "You're tired." she said.  
"Yes. But you haven't eaten. I want you to eat."  
"What, you think I won't eat unless you're watching me?"  
"No I-" he paused as if unsure. "I just prefer to know that you did I suppose." she sighed and sat back down and began to rifle through the bag he'd brought.

When she finished eating his eyes were barely open and when he stumbled toward the couch she grabbed his elbow and pulled him toward the bed.  
"You can't be comfortable on that couch, you're so tall!" she replied to his questioning glance. "And... I feel safer when you're near." His cheeks actually turned a bit pink at that and she marveled at the sight. Then she blinked in surprise as his outfit was suddenly different. He'd been wearing a black suit and tie with a dark green shirt, but now was clad in a soft green T-shirt and black pajama pants. "I wish I could do that." she sighed. He chuckled softly and slid under the covers. Before she could remove her outer-robe and climb into bed he was asleep.

She slept until 5 pm. She sat up slowly feeling her stomach rumble. There were still packages of dried noodles scattered across the table and packets of small pastries. She would have to ask Loki to bring her some fruits and vegetables because what he'd brought was mostly junk food.   
He woke when the sun was just beginning to touch the horizon. He heard the television and found Jane eating soup as she watched a show.  
"Hey, sleeping beauty!" Jane teased with a smile. His eyebrows rose and his expression said: "You must be joking." so clearly that she laughed. "Don't give me that look." she said, "You slept for fifteen hours!"   
"Oh." he said, looking troubled. "Do you need anything? I'll go-"  
"Relax!" she chided gently. "I can take care of myself."  
"I- I shouldn't leave you unprotected for so long."  
"You don't have to worry so much! It's not like anybody knows we're here. I can't even call Darcy." She looked as though the thought was more than disappointing.  
"Do you wish to return home now?" she frowned.   
"I can't do anything until I get a new visa, a new I.D., a credit card. New bank cards. For all I know they are in an evidence room at the police station back home while my car is in impound."  
"You need not do any of those things. I can teleport us." he admitted. "I would have sooner, but I don't know where you live."

  
"You can open your eyes now." Loki said, his voice amused. Jane opened one eye, then the other. She clung to Loki like her life depended on it. Once he had his arms around her, the thought that she'd be dragged away from him and lost in some strange void had terrified her. Then she had felt a strange pulling sensation and she'd clung to him so tightly she'd heard him laugh softly.  
"Oh my God, Loki, thank you!" her vision blurred. He sighed.  
"Jane, you are crying again. Why?" she grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips, laughing at his shocked expression.  
"I'm so happy!"  
"I am glad. Is there anything else you require before I-"  
"You can't leave!" She whipped around to face him. She felt her face grow hot. "I mean, you can if you want to. I don't want to keep you here if you don't want to be-"  
"I just assumed-"  
"Stop doing that!" Jane cut in heatedly. She crossed the room and grabbed his hand, looking up into his face. "You always assume the worst. I don't want you to leave unless you want to." His smile was almost what she would call shy. It made her heart melt.  
"Then I will stay."

She found her address book and immediately began weeping hysterically into her phone and yelling: "I'm home! Come over!" Loki's eyes were wide with shock as he stared at her.  
"What just happened?!" he cried.   
"Swear to me right now you won't hurt her!" she turned on him, pointing in his face.  
"What?! What are you talking about?" Loki fumbled.  
"My friend Darcy will be here in twenty minutes! And if you don't think you can stop yourself-"  
"She will be fine as long as I am near you." he interrupted, his gaze dropped and his cheeks flushed. "I don't know why it is. But I have come to realize there can be no other explanation. The closer I am to you, the less I feel any thirst or pain. However, I will leave if you think it best."  
"I want you to stay."

He was nervous. He hadn't been entirely honest. He was certain there was something about her that drove the horrible bloodlust and scorching pain away, but would it shield others from him as well? He wasn't sure. Obviously this Darcy meant a great deal to her and if he were to hurt her, Jane wouldn't just blame him, she would blame herself as well.  
A rapid pounding at the door startled him out of his thoughts and Jane hurried to open it revealing a young woman who threw herself at Jane. He quickly caught her scent and sighed in relief when he felt nothing. No thirst. No burning. Nothing. He was content to stay where he was however, and keep his distance.   
They both cried and held each other for a good five minutes. Loki stayed frozen in place growing more uncomfortable by the minute. He was starting to regret staying. It wasn't the new human's scent that bothered him, it was the emotional display that made him want to flee.  
When they finally released each other Darcy noticed Loki and started in surprise.  
"Who is he?" she demanded.  
"Darcy, this is Loki. He's Thor's younger brother-"  
"He doesn't look anything like him-" she whispered loudly. Loki stood, frowning at her observation.  
"AND," Jane interrupted her loudly. "He's the only reason I'm here now and in one piece."  
"Oh." Darcy said, then turned and gave Loki a huge smile. "Thank you so much, Loki, I was losing my mind worrying about her."  
"You're welcome." he replied, folding his arms over his chest.   
"Wow, how's the weather up there?" Darcy commented, her eyes roving over his face and form.  
"Slightly warmer than down there I suspect." he replied. She laughed. "Well, he's smarter than Thor at any rate." Loki smirked and sat back down.

Jane and Darcy talked until the sun came up. Loki merely sat and watched them, only speaking if one of them spoke to him first. It was just starting to grow light when Darcy noticed that Loki had fallen asleep.  
"Oh my God, finally!! He hasn't moved all night! Tell me everything! What the hell are you doing with Thor's younger brother?!" Darcy hissed.  
"You know I'm not with Thor anymore."  
"Oh my God, you did hook up with him!"  
"I didn't.... yet." Darcy's excited squeal woke Loki who blinked and sat up, looking around in confusion.  
"What..?" he murmured tiredly.  
"It's nothing, go back to sleep." Jane told him and with a sigh he lay back, asleep again in seconds.  
"Sorry." Darcy whispered. "I mean, Thor is really cute, but his little brother is pretty damn sexy, too. I can't say I blame you." Jane sighed.   
"Darcy, I'm not just swapping brother's for Christ's sake. He got me out of that horrible place, he's taken care of me ever since. I can still only do so much before I feel like I'm going to pass out. And he's been nothing but nice which I never expected." Darcy looked confused.  
"Why not?"  
"The first time I met him I slapped him in the face!"  
"When?!" she gasped, her eyes wide.  
"When Thor took me to Asgard."  
"Why? What did he say to piss you off soo bad?"  
"Darcy... I told him it was for New York." Darcy's eyes got even wider and she turned to stare at Loki.  
"Holy shit I knew he looked familiar! Jane what the fuck are you doing with him? He's a murdering psychopath! Look what he did to Erik!" Jane sighed.  
"I know. And Erik is going to hate me for this- but Thor is convinced he was acting under duress. I mentioned it to him and he refused to talk about it, but I thought for a moment he might get sick, his skin was almost green."  
"Hmm." Darcy seemed to mull that over. "You know, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he an Avenger now? I'm so confused."  
"Yes, and when I first heard that I couldn't believe it. But I can now."  
"Aw!" Darcy gushed. Jane rolled her eyes, trying to hide a smile and failing miserably.

Jane stayed up talking to Darcy, but around noon, both of them were exhausted.  
"Jane, I've got to get some sleep. I'm gonna go home, but, call me when you wake up, ok?"  
"Of course." They hugged goodbye and Jane watched as Darcy drove away.

  
"-oki! Loki, wake up, please!" Loki opened his eyes and Jane sat on his chest, her face stricken.  
"What?" he mumbled, his eyes barely open.   
"Oh, thank God! I couldn't wake you!" she cried, brushing his hair back from his face.  
"What's wrong?" He tried to sit up, but his entire body felt weak. Her terror hit him and he forced himself upright.  
"I think- I think you're starving! Your lips and fingernails are blue! I thought you were dead!" His head swam and he bit back a groan. "How long has it been?"   
"It's only been two nights, I think." he replied.   
"You have to go out. You're starving. You have to." she said softly. He nodded and slowly got to his feet. He almost fell back down as a wave of dizziness hit him again. Jane had both hands planted firmly on his back as she tried to keep him upright. He shook his head to clear it and stumbled towards the door. "Be careful." he heard her say as he went out the door.

  
The second he closed her door the pain in his throat hit him and he winced. It was a terrible burning and he brought his hand up reflexively to his throat. He began to walk, his steps unsteady. He walked down the road, trying to ignore the pain, but it only grew worse. He soon spotted a human alone, walking a dog, and then he was on the man draining him as the dog barked angrily. He let the man drop from his grasp and grabbed the dog as well. It's blood was not nearly as satisfying, but it did soothe the burn just a bit more, and for that he was grateful. He threw the bodies over a low, stone wall that lined the road.   
He needed more. He hated the fact, but could not deny it. Already he was feeling better, but he knew that their blood wasn't nearly enough. It wasn't long before a woman came jogging his way. She smiled as she went to pass him and he cringed in shame. He wanted to let her pass, but he grabbed her and sank his teeth into her throat even as he had the thought. Her terrified whimper was like a knife in his heart, but he couldn't stop himself. His body was acting without his mind's consent and it made him deeply afraid.  
She died without another sound and he gently lowered her to the ground on the other side of the stone wall. He stared at her and suddenly his vision blurred. He felt tears sliding down his face and wiped them away, drawing his hand back to observe the liquid on his hand as if he couldn't comprehend it.  
He shuddered and hurried away.

He found himself in a wooded area. He had walked for perhaps an hour, staring at the ground the whole way. He felt sick. He saw a massive oak and sat beneath it and tears began to fall from his eyes again.  
What if he could only control himself around Jane and no one else? What if he could never see Thor again for fear that he would attack him? He didn't admit it, even to himself, but if any of the other Avengers fell prey to his hunger, he would be devastated. He had grown to like them each, even if only a little. He was still wary of Dr. Banner, and he knew Clint was still wary of him. But everyone else had done their best to make him feel comfortable. He wondered how they were. He hoped Thor wasn't worried about him and laughed at his own stupidity. Thor had to be worried by now, he wasn't even sure how long he'd been gone, but it had been a week at least.  
Someone had noticed him, huddled in the shadow of the great tree. He felt their malice and their intentions as they drew near. Why couldn't all his victims be evil scum like the two men headed his way? It would certainly make things easier.  
"Lost are we?" one said, feigning kindness and concern. Loki said nothing.  
"Have we a little mute, here?" The other asked. The idea of beating and raping someone who was incapable of screaming delighted them both. Loki scowled, feeling disgusted as he saw in their thoughts exactly what they wanted to do to him.  
They grabbed his arms and hauled him to his feet. He easily broke their grip and smiled at their dumbfounded expressions.  
"You won't be missed." Loki said.

  
Jane sat on the sofa, staring at the television, but not seeing it. Loki had been gone for nearly three hours. She didn't dare call Darcy, it was three am for one thing. And how could she tell Darcy that Loki was out killing people and drinking their blood? How could she admit that it was her device that had brought the Jiang Shi to China, and they'd attacked Loki viciously, turning him into something not quite the same, but just as lethal?  
She just wanted him to come back. It was easier to pretend everything was alright when he was here with her. She didn't know how long he would stay, but she knew she didn't want him to go. But she knew as well as Loki did that Thor had to be out of his mind with worry by now. Darcy had been. She hadn't even asked Loki if he'd wanted to contact Thor. She knew she was being horribly selfish, but she couldn't seem to stop herself.  
She wanted him. She wanted him all to herself. She didn't want him to leave her side for as long as she lived. She didn't know how it had happened, she had felt gratitude at first. Affection followed soon after. She'd been watching him sleep while they had still been in Yangshuo and she had begun to wonder what he was like in bed. And now that he was in her house, all she wanted to do was tear his clothes off.  
But she felt guilty every time she thought of Thor. She knew he loved Loki. She knew he was probably beginning to fear to worst. She couldn't let it continue.  
She heard a quiet tapping at her door and saw Loki through the peep hole. She sighed in relief as she pulled the door open.  
"You don't have to knock." She said with a smile that faded the moment she saw his expression. "What's wrong?" His face crumpled suddenly as if he were about to cry and she felt her heart clench painfully. Without a word she pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around her as well, but refused to answer. She pulled away and took his hand and tried to get him to follow. "Loki, please, come in." He did not meet her eyes and after several heartbeats he nodded and allowed her to lead him inside.   
He stood in her small kitchen as if unsure what to do.  
"I've been thinking," she began. "You should really call your brother just to let him know you're ok." he frowned.  
"I'm not sure how. I've never used a phone." he murmured.  
"I can call him. It should be only 10 pm there. I only have Tony Stark's business card, so I'll most likely have to leave a message- I doubt this is his personal cell number- but I'm sure we can get him to relay the message to your brother." This didn't seem to reassure Loki at all, if anything, he looked more upset. "I'm not trying to kick you out or anything-" she began and he finally smiled faintly, shaking his head.  
"It's not that." his smile faded. Jane touched his elbow and let her hand fall until she felt his hand and clasped his in her own. He squeezed back gently.  
"Then what is it?" she asked, worried by his morose expression.  
"What if-" he swallowed and couldn't continue. She closed the distance between them and embraced him again. He sighed deeply. "What if I hurt him? What if I can't stop myself?" Jane shook her head, smiling.  
"I'll be with you. You were fine with Darcy, weren't you?" he nodded slowly. "Then don't worry. Everything will be alright." he sighed again and squeezed her and she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face.

Loki sat next to her on the couch as she tried to call Tony. He heard Tony's voice clearly through the tiny device.  
"This is Tony, you know what to do."  
"Mr. Stark, this is Jane Foster. I need you to tell Thor that Loki is with me. He is fine, please don't worry. And please have him call us back as soon as he can. Thank you." she hung up and shrugged. "That actually may have been his personal cell phone."  
"Is that good?" Loki asked. Jane nodded, he wanted to ask another question, but she appeared deep in thought.  
"You stay right here, I need to take a shower, then I have something for you."   
"All right."  
"If the phone rings, you answer it, okay? It might be Thor calling back." Loki nodded, watching her as she headed to her room.

  
She was in the bathroom for over an hour. The phone did not ring once. He was worried. He had heard Tony ask his talking compture system he called FRIDAY how many messages he'd gotten before. It almost always had been a hundred or more. And Tony invariably deleted them all without listening. He had to tell Jane. There had to be another way to relay a message to his brother that wouldn't be ignored, but he wasn't sure what. He heard Jane finally leave the bathroom and the click of heels met his ears.   
She stepped out of the hallway and he felt his jaw drop and his eyes nearly pop out of his skull. She wore nothing but a tiny black lace bra and panties and shiny black heels with tiny straps around her ankles. Her hair was beautifully curled in fat, loose ringlets, and her eye lashes were darker and longer somehow.   
She closed the distance between them with a sultry smile on her pretty lips.  
"You see something you like?" she purred. He could only nod stupidly and her smile grew wider. "Then come with me."

TBC...

Yes, evil cliff hanger. Next chapter... full of smut. Please leave a review if you are enjoying this!


	6. the gilded cage

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch (ao3), Kichi (ff.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse. Eventual Loki/Jane   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and DEFINITELY some sex :)  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.

 

You didn't hurt me   
nothing can hurt me  
You didn't hurt me   
nothing can stop me now

~~~  
Thor sat beside Odin and Frigga. He'd done his best to explain what had happened to their youngest. He'd described the vile creatures that had swarmed over his brother, biting him viciously. Frigga's eyes had darkened and her frown had grown severe as Thor described Loki's disappearance, and the emerald ring that had doubled as a tracking device that had been bartered away. Thor, Captain Rogers, and Tony Stark had spoken to a middle-aged hotel manager in Yangshuo. The man had clearly recognized Loki from the photo they had shown him, but would only say he was no longer staying there.   
They had scoured the area, especially the area surrounding a building in the midst of an uninhabited area that had been burnt to the ground very recently. The charred remains had still been faintly smoking when they had arrived.   
But they had not found Loki.  
"We know he's been... changed somehow by the creatures that attacked him. Tony insists that Loki is what the people of Midgard refer to as "Vampire". Just after Loki disappeared there were... bodies recovered. They had all been bitten as Loki had."  
"You think Loki killed them?" Frigga asked, her expression dismayed.  
"Aye, mother." Thor glanced away and bit his lip. "There is no cure on Midgard. The humans claimed that their ancestors only remedy was to take a wooden spear and impale the creature through the heart and then cut off the head." Frigga gasped. "I told them I would die first." Thor said, glancing at his mother. "I came here hoping there would be something- anything that you might know of to cure him."  
"Aye, boy." Odin said, leaning close. "I think there may yet be a way."  
~~~  
He followed her into her bedroom. He'd never dared set foot in the room before, and barely noticed a thing about it, his eyes glued firmly to the rosy cheeks that were barely covered in front of him. The lacy underwear was see-through, and he'd seen enough to make him hard in an instant.  
He hadn't realized until she stepped into his view how badly he wanted her. It had always been an enticing fantasy he'd dwelled on from time to time, but now that it was about to happen, his heart was pounding in excitement. She stopped next to the bed and he spun her around before she could make another move. He pulled her flush against him and bent down to claim her lips. She moaned and grabbed his hips as he slid his tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. He could feel her heart pounding as hard as his and when her small hand reached between him to grab his throbbing erection he groaned.  
"Lay down." he commanded, his voice rough. She nodded and sat on the bed, staring up at him with lust-darkened eyes, her breathing heavy. He knelt on the floor and pulled her close to him. She sat up, kissing him again and he held her tightly. Her knees touched his hips and he reached down, hooking his finger around the corner of her panties and tearing. She gasped as he pushed the lacy covering away to expose her fully. He couldn't remember feeling this much desire for anyone, he had never been with anyone he'd actually fantasized about. He usually was content with a pretty face and cute shape. Their heads had been about as empty as a broken eggshell, but that hadn't been important. Being with someone he'd grown to actually care for and even admire (not to mention her sweetness and beauty) was making him ache with desire in a way he'd never known before. She reached behind her back and suddenly the bra loosened and she pulled it off, exposing her breasts. He pounced on her, his mouth on her nipple as his hand gently squeezed the other breast. Her moans were driving him wild and he plunged his other hand between her legs.   
"Oh God," she cried, arching against him. Her wet folds were making his cock throb and he kissed her again, trying to calm himself. Her hips began to jerk wildly as he stroked her, her moans grew louder and more frequent, and he pulled back for a moment only.   
"I've been wanting to do this since I met you." he said. Then she felt his lips and tongue caressing her and she gave a cry that made him shiver. He pushed a finger inside her and when her moans grew louder still he added another. "That feels so fucking good." she gasped. He wrapped an arm around one of her thighs to hold her in place while he lashed her clitoris with his tongue. She spasmed and jerked in his grasp, her moans becoming longer, more unrestrained.   
He felt a groan tear from his throat as she wantonly pressed against him. He felt like he was going to come just from the sounds she was making. Her whole body tensed. "Oh my God, I'm going to come!" she gasped. He moaned and drove his fingers into her faster, he felt her hands grab his hair and suddenly she was screaming. Her cries were hurting hs ears, but he loved it. He continued to lick her and fuck her with his fingers until suddenly her cries stopped and she gasped out. "Fuck I'm- I'm gonna come again!" She was pulling his hair harder, but he didn't mind at all. The slight pain was keeping him from exploding in his pants. She shrieked again, her back arching, her thighs trapping him in place. He sat back, licking his lips, his thumb gently rubbing her clit as she gasped. "Stop. I can't take anymore." she groaned. She lay there gasping for a moment, her head flopping back weakly. "Just- gimme a second." she panted. He grinned as he watched her attempt to recover. He had never heard a woman scream like that. She had already exceeded his fantasies. She lifted her head, still gasping. "Why are you still wearing clothes?" she asked, then blinked in surprise when they were suddenly gone. She grinned and scooted back on the bed to make room for him. She glanced down between them and he saw her eyes widen. "Holy shit, you're huge." He smiled, unable to stop himself as he crawled onto the bed. She opened her legs and he lowered himself until he lay between them, pressed against her and he kissed her again.  
"I don't know how long I'm going to last, you're driving me crazy." he whispered.  
"We have all night." she said kissing him. He groaned as he rubbed his tip up and down her slick entrance, her moans sending chills up his spine. He pushed further in and she gasped, wrapping her arms and legs around him. He slid in all the way, and shuddered.   
"You feel too damn good." he hissed and began to thrust. He kissed her, touching her everywhere, delighting in the feel of her small hands caressing him. He plunged into her velvety depths again and again, his groans becoming desperate. He could feel her squeezing his cock with every thrust.  
"Loki, please, harder!" she cried, he obeyed with joy, capturing her nipple in his mouth again as he thrust with wild abandon.   
"Do you know what you're doing to me?" he hissed. He couldn't control himself any longer. He came with a shuddering gasp. Jane ran her hands over his trembling shoulders, his back and then grabbed his ass, kissing him ardently. He pulled out and collapsed on his side and held her close while he panted, his face set in a grin.   
"That was amazing. I have never screamed that loud in my life." Jane giggled, kissing him again.  
"I have to confess, I've never heard anyone scream that loud, either." he said with a smug smile. Jane propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him.  
"I don't believe that. I thought that was the real reason people call you silver-tongue." Loki threw his head back and laughed. It abruptly turned into a shiver as Jane placed her rosey lips upon his throat. He pulled her down so her chest was pressed against his and flipped them so he was on top again.  
"Are you ready for more?" he said with a wicked smile.  
"Yes."  
~~~  
The sky was growing light. Jane slept in Loki's arms and he was still amazed at the turn the night had taken. He stared down at her lovely face, completely relaxed in slumber. He could have taken her again and again, but after their third bout of mind-blowing sex, she could barely keep her eyes open from exhaustion. He was forced to remind himself that she was still weak and recovering her strength. He had smiled when she snuggled up against his side and quickly fell asleep.  
He was tiring out as well as the sun grew lighter. He hated it. He did not desire sleep. And it made him nervous to leave her unprotected for so long. He'd thought he'd felt protective of her before, but it was nothing compared to how he felt now. But he wasn't entirely helpless. He wove a net of spells around her house. One to completely disorient any who sought Jane with ill intentions. One to keep the doors and windows from being opened by anyone other than the two of them. A third to hide his presence from anyone who wished him harm. And another to wake him should anything unforseen happen.  
He had never tried the last one, but he had included a fail-safe. If the spell did not wake him within a minutes time, it would cause him pain until he woke. Jane had explained to him that if she ever attempted to rouse him, it took a good fifteen minutes. If someone gained entry to her home while he slept, fifteen minutes would be far too long for him to wake and react. Jane could be dead by then.  
The very idea made his stomach sour and he squeezed her tighter. She mumbled something unintelligible and pressed closer.  
~~~  
Jane awoke to a knock at the door. Loki slept beside her completely unaware. But the sun was bright and it did not surprise her. She sat up and realized she was still completely naked. She hurried to dress and ran to the door as the person on the other side knocked again.  
She opened the door and saw Tony Stark.  
"Mr. Stark! I'm so glad you got our message." She said with a bright smile that he returned effortlessly.  
"And I am so glad you called, my dear. We have been looking for Loki for almost two weeks now."  
"Please, come in!" Jane blurted as she realized he stayed outside the threshold, smiling at her expectantly.  
"Thank you." he said, with another charming smile. He entered the house and she saw the way his eyes darted about.  
"He's asleep." Jane said, knowing what Tony was looking for.   
"He hasn't tried-"  
"No, absolutely not-"  
"So you know-"  
"I do. But apparently my blood smells distinctly unappetizing to him. Not only that, if he stays by my side he can be around anyone without any problem." Tony looked startled by the news. "But he can only go so long without..." she shrugged, hating to say it so bluntly.  
"And what happens when he does?" Tony asked, curious. Jane sighed.  
"He - I thought he was dead. He wouldn't wake up. It took me a half hour to wake him and it was well after dark. When I finally managed to wake him he was disoriented. He had trouble standing and walking for a few moments. I told him..." she sighed and frowned. But Tony already knew what she would say. "He had to-"  
"I know, dear. I know. What I don't know is how you two found each other. Or where. I know he was in Yangshuo again and I was sure it had to do with the Mandarin-"  
"He was. It did." and Jane told him of her capture, her captivity, how after months of despair she had awoken in Loki's cell, and their escape. "I'm still trying to recover. They nearly starved me to death." Tony understood her ordeal better than most, and sighed. Jane knew of his own experience and smiled when he offered her a silk handkerchief. She blotted the tears away that she hadn't even realized she'd shed. Tony sighed again and she knew he wanted to say something. "Whatever it is, just say it, please, Mr. Stark."  
"Call me Tony." he said with a strained smile. "And... I have to bring him back. No one- not even SHIELD knows that Loki killed those people in central park. Thor is back in Asgard, trying to find something that will help him. But if we can't-" he broke off with another deep sigh. "I really don't know what the hell we'll do. We can't keep this a secret forever. Clint especially is unwilling to do Loki any favors."  
"He doesn't enjoy this!" Jane snapped before she could stop herself. "He can't control himself unless I am beside him." Tony patted her hand and nodded.   
"That is a miracle in itself." Jane scowled. "But we need him to come back to New York. This can't continue. He's attacked how many people so far? Each attack has resulted in death." Jane felt her eyes begin to burn. She bit her lip and nodded.   
"You aren't going to hurt him are you?" Tony shook his head.  
"No one wants that, I promise. Most of us have grown rather fond of him, truth be told." Jane smiled.  
"Me too." She rubbed her temples with a grimace. "Can you wait for him to wake up at dusk?" Tony shook his head.   
"I wish I could, I wish none of this had ever happened." Jane knew she couldn't say the same.   
"I'll try to wake him. I've never actually tried while the sun was up."  
~~~  
Jane gave up after twenty minutes. Loki's eye lids had fluttered and he'd mumbled incoherently, but that was the only reaction she'd gotten. She was grateful he'd at least thought to clothe himself in a pair of soft, loose, black pants. She returned to Tony who sat on her couch.  
"His eyes barely opened for a second, but that was it." she said. Tony nodded and stood, his armor enveloping him in seconds. Jane felt a grin spread across her face.  
"I can see you're impressed." Tony said, his voice smug. Jane nodded, unable to hide it.   
"I always wanted to pick your brain." she admitted. Tony chuckled as he headed to her room.  
"I'm sure that will happen one day." He lifted Loki from the bed as if he weighed nothing.   
"Wait a second... You are taking me with you, aren't you?" Tony paused.  
"Is there a reason I should?" Jane frowned at him.  
"I am the only person he can be near without hurting. I am the only person who can maintain his control. If you separate us he'll likely attack you the moment he opens his eyes, whether he wants to or not."  
"Yes, I do seem to recall you mentioning something similar." he heaved a sigh. "Alright then. FRIDAY, send the jet, please." he set Loki back on the bed. "I guess we're waiting then."  
~~~  
Loki awoke slowly. After ten minutes of prodding he finally opened his eyes and sat up in bed. Jane noticed immediately that he did not look well. From the concerned glance Tony shot her, he'd noticed as well.  
"Stark?" Loki mumbled. "You actually checked your messages?"  
"Oh, ha ha." Tony said with a smirk. "I do on occasion." Loki blinked wearily and looked ready to curl back up in Jane's bed.   
"Loki, I'm sorry but you have to get up." Jane said, brushing his hair back from his forehead. She saw one of Tony's eyebrows lift, but ignored him. Loki groaned and swung his legs over the side of the bed and shoved the blankets aside. But the moment he stood his knees buckled and Tony barely had time to catch him.  
"Easy buddy!" Tony said, his expression alarmed. Loki forced himself upright and shook his head.  
"Loki!" Jane gasped. "Are you alright?"  
"Dizzy." he mumbled and Tony and Jane both tried to prop him up. For several long moments they stayed that way, Loki's breathing grew deeper and his whole body began to shake.   
"Alright, come on." Tony said. "His heart-rate just shot up, he's not getting enough oxygen. He's going to pass out." Loki's knees buckled again as he did just that.  
~~~  
Tony carried Loki up to his jet that hovered just above the mass of clouds that covered the sky. He returned to find Jane waiting with several bags. She was on the phone assuring someone on the other end that she was fine and she would give details later.  
"Our chariot awaits my dear!" He said with a bright smile.  
"Is Loki ok?" he tried not to smile wider at the open concern on her face, and if he didn't know better he'd swear she had a thing for the master of mischief.  
"He's still out of it, which is why we need to hurry. We didn't exactly tell him our plans and I don't want him to wake up and panic." He was grateful all her bags had long straps and slung them over his shoulder before wrapping an arm around her waist. They shot through the air and Jane shrieked clinging to Tony with all her strength. He would have laughed if her screams hadn't nearly deafened him.  
~~~  
Jane found Loki stretched out on a cot. His eyes were open and blinking slowly. She knelt beside him and brushed his hair back, tucking loose strands behind his ear.  
"What happened?" he murmured.  
"You tried to get up and collapsed." Jane said, leaning close and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He smiled weakly at the gesture.  
"I don't feel well." he sighed and rolled over to face her. She continued to run her fingers through his hair.   
"Just try to relax, ok? Tony says we'll be in New York in two hours." he looked confused. "He told me Thor returned to Asgard to seek a cure for you." Loki nodded.  
"I hope he finds one. I hate this." he sighed. Jane nodded.  
"I know you do. And I hate that you are suffering and I can't help." Loki smiled then.  
"You helped a great deal last night." he laughed softly at Jane's pretty blush. "You've helped since we met." he said his expression suddenly serious. "I have no control over myself unless I'm by your side. I hate it." Jane frowned, but nodded. "I'm not at all saying I dislike being with you." he said, sensing her thoughts. "I enjoy that part very much."  
"I do too." Jane said, and her smile made him feel warm inside.  
~~~  
Loki slept for the remainder of the flight. When they woke him again, he was only slightly less disoriented. When he made to stand he remained upright. His head still swam, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been.  
Tony led them into the building from the roof and they took an elevator down several flights.   
The exited into a beautiful penthouse of glass and leather and hard angles and stark contrasts. Beautiful art covered the walls and gorgeously glazed and shaped vases sat filled with exotic flowers.  
"This will be your floor Jane-"  
"I told you I have to stay with him." she said, turning on Tony, her eyes darkening. He held up his hands in surrender.  
"If that is what you prefer-"  
"I do." she said. Tony winked at Loki the moment she looked away and almost burst out laughing as Loki turned a shade of pink he'd never in a million years expect to see. Tony smirked as Loki followed her back to the elevator. The God of Lies just blushed. If Loki so much as tried to deny he felt something for the beautiful woman, Tony knew he would laugh right in his face, regardless of the repercussions.  
~~~  
His rooms were as he'd left them but the moment he crossed the threshold he felt a barrier of electrical construct. He turned and saw Stark blocking Jane's entry to his room. He frowned, his eyes unwilling to meet Loki's for a moment.  
"I'm sorry about this, but I have to make sure you stay here."  
"What? What are you talking about?" Jane demanded, trying to get past.  
"I'm sorry, dear, but he has to stay in there and you out here. I don't make the rules."  
"And who exactly did?!" Jane snapped.  
"Jane. It is fine." Loki said with an audible sigh.  
"No it is not! He lied to us!" Loki saw Tony wince and chuckled.  
"Jane he is not doing it to be malicious. I promise you. This is only what I expected." At that Tony looked even more miserable.  
"Look," he said, turning to face Jane. "This is the only way. I know you don't like it, but I have no other option." Jane ignored him and stared at Loki. He did not look remotely upset. But he still looked exhausted and far too pale.  
"So that's it then? You have no clue how long it will take Thor to return, and in the meantime, Loki will slowly starve to death." Tony shook his head.  
"Loki, look in you're little refridgerator." Loki did as instructed and saw strange plastic bags full of what looked like blood.  
"Is that-"  
"Yes."  
"How did-"  
"Please, don't ask." Tony sighed. Loki frowned and rubbed his temples. He heaved a sigh and sat down in front of the 'fridge.  
"Will you please both go away now?" he asked, his voice soft.  
"Come on Jane, let me show you around." Tony said. Jane nodded slowly, still watching Loki. He stared ahead, and looked extremely uncomfortable.  
"I'll be back in a bit, ok Loki?" he nodded, still staring straight ahead. She saw his jaw clench and with a frown she turned away.  
~~~  
He held one of the packages of blood. It was cold. He wanted it. He knew he needed it. But something about it turned his stomach. He gently tore the corner of the package and put it to his lips. He took one swallow and choked. Blood shot out of his mouth and he gagged violently.  
It was horrible.  
It smelled wrong. It tasted wrong. His stomach began to cramp violently and he gagged again. His eyes began to burn. His throat began to burn. He held his nose and tried again.   
It wasn't so terrible when he couldn't smell it, but not even a minute passed before he began to retch and blood shot out of his mouth again. He tore off his shirt and wiped his mouth and anywhere he saw a speck of the old, chilly blood. He left the package where he'd dropped it and staggered to the far end of the room.  
He collapsed in the corner with a groan. He knew Tony had meant well. No one could anticipate that he'd have such an adverse reaction. He was not like the Jiang Shi. He was not like any creature he'd ever read about or seen. He didn't know what to expect any more than anyone else. But he knew without a doubt he could not stomach the cold blood.  
His stomach was grinding in protest still. His throat ached and burned. He wanted out of the room. He needed to get out. He felt his breaths coming harsh and fast. He clawed at his throat. He had to get out of this room, out of this tower. He lurched forward and crawled froward until he lay flat. He fisted his hair and tugged, the pain causing his eyes to water. He needed Jane. She made the burning stop. She made the hunger fade. He crawled toward the door.  
It was still open, but he could feel the electrical pulse that surrounded the entire room. He dragged himself to the door anyway and reached out. The shock was agony. He flet his entire body go rigid and then thrash wildly. He ripped his hand away and the connection was broken. He lay flat on his back, gasping on the floor. His vision was blurred. He felt hot tears slide down his temples and into his hair.  
Where had Stark taken her? He needed her. The pain was unbearable. He couldn't swallow. It was getting harder to breathe.  
"Jane.." it came out a harsh croak. His chest heaved as he rolled onto his side. With colossal effort he pushed himself to his knees. He tried to draw a deep breath, but he felt as if he were being strangled.  
~~~  
"Are you hungry?" Tony asked. Jane nodded absently. "I can order out. I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook. Is there anything in particular you have a taste for?" Jane shook her head. She hadn't said one word to him the whole time. He felt her eyes boring into his back in a way that oddly, reminded him of Loki.   
He didn't know what was going on between the two of them but he suspected they were maybe not dating, but they were definitely something. He knew she was angry with him on Loki's behalf. And Loki.. his reaction had been even more surprising. And painful.   
Loki had just accepted it without even a look of displeasure. Like he'd expected it. And perhaps he had. It made Tony feel like shit, frankly. If anyone deserved to be mistrusted, it was Loki. But it seemed like every time Tony had seen him lied to, Loki just acted as though it was only natural. Whenever someone made a snide or derogatory comment (more often than not it came from Clint) Loki would offer a chilly smile that did not reach his eyes. Some times he would reply with a cutting remark of his own. But most times he said nothing. As if he knew damn well he deserved it.  
Tony felt ashamed. Jane and Loki had called him specifically. Maybe he was the only number they had been able to find, but it didn't matter. They had called him.   
"Look, I know this is really shitty."  
"Yes." Jane finally hissed. Tony felt his face warm up.  
"I'm really sorry-"  
"Don't apologize to me! Apologize to Loki!"  
"I did! Okay? I will as many times as I have to- but for right now, you have to try and understand-"  
"Look," Jane sighed. "I do. I'm not saying I don't. But do you really have to keep us separated? I am literally the only thing keeping him from going on a rampage."  
"Well, he does have the donated blood.." Jane shook her head.   
"When will Thor be back?" Tony sighed and shrugged.   
"He's been gone as long as Loki had been. Almost two weeks." he frowned. "So, is there anything you want to eat?" Jane didn't have a chance to answer. Her heart was in her throat as she heard Loki shriek her name.  
~~~  
TBC...

Thank you again for everyone who took the time to leave a review or favorite or kudos! Especially everyone who gave me fanfic reccomendations! You guys are the best!


	7. the change

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch (ao3), Kichi (ff.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse. Eventual Loki/Jane   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and DEFINITELY some sex :)  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.  
ALSO: I edited every damn chapter and put (~) Tildes between each scene so it would be easier to read and when I just uploaded the edited chapters NONE OF THE MARKS SHOWED UP. I don't know why, but I'm very angry. I put tons of spaces between each scene at first and that didn't work, so this entire fic looks like its just mashed together and I hate it. I'm sorry if it's hard to read, but I promise it's not because I haven't tried to fix it.

You had to give them all a sign  
didn't you? Didn't you?  
\---  
"Let me in there! Damn it Tony! Let me in!!" she was nearly screaming. Loki lay curled up on his side. He clutched his head and they could easily hear his shuddering gasps.  
"FRIDAY, allow Jane Foster entrance to Loki's room then seal it." Jane saw a brief flicker. "Hurry." Tony said and she crossed the threshold. She ran to Loki's side and fell to her knees next to him.  
"Loki! Can you hear me?" his entire body was shaking violently. His hands went to his throat and she could see him shiver as he tried to swallow. She looked around and saw the blood on the floor seeping out of the bag. "What the hell did you do?!" She screamed, turning to glare at Tony. He flinched and took a step back.  
"What are you talking about?" he said, his eyes wide.  
"What is in here? Strychnine? Arsenic?" she cried.  
"No! What?! I would never-"  
"Then what did you do to him?!"  
"Nothing! Jane I swear! It's just donated blood, I promise!" Tony said. "I don't know what the hell is going on, I swear to God!"  
"Stop." they heard Loki gasp. Jane brushed his hair back from his face. His breathing was easier, and the tremors that raced through his body had subsided somewhat. His eyes were still tightly shut, and he was still curled up in a ball on his side.  
"Loki!" Jane cried, feeling tears spill down her cheeks. "What happened?" his eyelids fluttered weakly and then opened. Jane gasped in shock. The iris and pupil of his eyes were a horrible bluish-gray, like that of a corpse. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand. "Loki?"  
"I'm ok." he said, his voice weak.   
"What happened?" Jane tried again. His eyes closed again and she tried not to sigh in relief. His eyes were dead. They were the eyes of a corpse. The only difference was they were not caving in and sinking into his head. She shuddered.  
"I- I can't-" he grimaced. "It's cold. It made me sick. I can't-"  
"Shh.." Jane said, rubbing his back and shooting a glare at Tony. Her expression softened immediately when she saw the dismay on his face. "Just relax." she returned her attention to Loki.   
\---  
Natasha, Bruce, and Steve returned to the Tower and as soon as they reached their floor, they heard shouting.  
"At least help me get him in the bed!" They heard a woman who sounded as if she was crying. They glanced at each other in confusion before sprinting down the hall towards the bedrooms. They saw Tony with his hands fisting his hair. A woman knelt in a doorway, and they saw right away she was indeed crying and her expression was furious.  
"What the hell is going on?" Bruce said, eyeing the woman in concern.  
"Tony, who is she?" Steve said. Tony froze and turned to face them and they were surprised to see naked relief on his face.  
"Guys! I-" he shook his head. "I don't know what to do."  
"Who is she, Tony?" Natasha repeated Steve's question.  
"I'm Jane Foster!" she snapped. "Someone please get in here and help me get Loki onto the bed. This coward-" she hissed, glaring at Tony. "refuses to help." Tony threw his hands up, his expression aggrieved.  
"You found Loki? Why didn't you tell us?" Bruce exclaimed.   
"I've done more than enough!" Tony shouted. "He's dangerous, and I'm sorry if I don't want him feeding on me like some God damned leach!"  
"Go to hell!" Jane cried, more tears spilling down her cheeks.   
"Tony," Steve began, trying to diffuse the situation. "You're done here, ok? Just go calm down."  
"I would LOVE to! But don't blame me when he kills you! He's in bad shape- I tried to help, but I failed, ok?! I'm not doing it on purpose!" He snarled the last comment at Jane.  
"Come on, Tony, come with me, ok?" Natasha said, gently grabbing his elbow and leading him away.  
"I said this was a bad idea from the beginning, didn't I?" Tony snarled under his breath as Nat steered him back down the hall.  
Bruce and Steve watched him and Natasha until they were out of sight. Then they drew closer to the woman crouched in the doorway.  
"Did he put up a barrier?" Bruce said and Jane nodded, wiping her eyes angrily.  
"Miss Foster, can you tell us what happened?" Steve asked.  
"Can you please just help me get him in bed? He's unconscious."   
"FRIDAY, can you let us in the room?" Bruce asked. The barrier shimmered for a moment and they quickly walked in as Jane scrambled to her feet. Loki lay on his side not far from her. A bag of donated blood lay on the floor, still slowly leaking.  
Loki was breathing slowly and shallowly. His eyes were closed. Bruce and Steve picked him up and put him on the bed and heard Jane sigh in relief. She pulled the covers over him and brushed his hair back from his face. Bruce and Steve exchanged confused glances.  
Jane sat beside Loki and continued to run her fingers through his hair. She sighed and looked at Bruce and Steve.  
"I was kidnapped by the Mandarin, I'm not sure how long ago, but a few months at least. I created the device that opened a gateway between dimensions. The creatures that attacked Loki and changed him only made it here because of me." She stopped then and could no longer look at them. Her fist clenched and they saw more tears falling. Steve looked around until he spotted some tissues and went to retrieve them for her. She smiled briefly and took several tissues and wiped her face. "Once I outlived my usefulness they threw me in Loki's cell, intending him to feed on me. But he never has. He says my blood smells different and that he doesn't want it. And when I'm with him he doesn't feel thirst. So far I am the only one. But he didn't hurt my friend Darcy when she visited after he brought me home. But he can't go long without.. blood. He's starving now. His eyes turned this horrible gray that I've never seen before." She stared at Loki and they saw more tears fall. "He's starving.. Tony gave him donated blood but Loki said it made him sick. He won't let him leave, and I know it's wrong to let him go. But what if he dies?"  
Steve and Bruce weren't sure what to say. They didn't know when Thor would return, and Loki did look terrible.  
"Jane, this isn't your fault-" Bruce began, but Jane shook her head furiously.  
"Yes it is!" she cried. "Didn't you hear me? I opened the gateway. I brought those things here, and they attacked Loki! It is all. My. Fault!" Bruce and Steve both sighed, unsure how to respond.  
"I suppose we can only pray that Thor gets back soon." Steve said softly. Jane nodded and continued to run her fingers through Loki's hair. He groaned softly and his eyelids fluttered.  
"Loki?" Jane gasped, scooting closer.  
"Jane?" his voice was tired. Bruce and Steve grimaced when they saw his eyes. They were completely gray, even the pupils. He blinked again, squinting. He sniffed the air and Steve and Bruce both unconsciously took a step back. "Who else is here? I can't see a damn thing." Jane leaned close and touched his cheek.  
"You can't see?" Jane said, her voice breaking. He put his hand upon hers and then patted up her arm, and his eyes grew wider still.  
"Why can't I see anything?" he said, his expression growing alarmed.  
"Loki, it's Bruce and Steve. We're here too, ok?" Loki gazed in their direction, sitting up slowly. They saw his eyes dart back and forth and fail to locate them. Steve glanced at Bruce and saw dismay clearly on his features.  
"What?" He sniffed again. "Are we- where are we?" he said, turning his face in Jane's direction.  
"Tony Stark brought us to New York. Don't you remember?" Loki's brow furrowed. He shook his head slowly.  
"Not really." he said slowly. He brought his hand up and waved it in front of his face.  
"Why can't I see?" he said, his voice rising fractionally. Jane took his hand in hers and squeezed it.  
"I'm not sure, but your eyes look very different." His expression crumpled in misery.   
"Loki, Thor is trying to find something to help." Steve began. Loki nodded but his expression only grew more distraught. Jane wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. His hands rose to cover his face and they saw him shiver.  
"Jane can we get you anything to eat?" Bruce blurted, unwilling to watch Loki fall apart in front of him. Jane shook her head, her expression dark.  
"You expect me to eat in front of him?" she said. Steve glanced at Bruce and shook his head.  
"Jane, please eat." Loki said softly. "You are still recovering."   
"No." Jane said with a scowl.  
"Jane." Loki said and sat up, looking in her direction, but not seeing her. "Please won't you just eat a bit? It would make me feel better if you did."  
"Don't you dare try to manipulate me like this!" she snapped. "How can I eat when you are starving?" Loki sighed and turned towards Bruce and Steve. His dead eyes scanned for them but never quite managed to settle on their position.  
"You bring her food, please." he said, ignoring her protests.  
"We will." Steve said, happy to do anything to help. He grabbed Bruce by his elbow and made for the door.  
\---

"What are we going to do?" Steve said once they got to the kitchen. Tony and Natasha sat at the bar. Tony held a drink that he stared at morosely.  
"Let's just get her something to eat for now, because frankly I have no clue." Bruce sighed.  
"Has anyone heard from Thor?" Natasha asked.   
"No." Tony said glumly. "We never know how to get ahold of him. Loki was the only one who had ever used the phone I gave him."  
"He did?" Bruce said, his expression amused. Tony sighed and faintly smiled. Steve began to search the refridgerator for food.  
"Yes I made the mistake of mentioning that I disliked Justin Beber and so Loki sent me about a thousand fucking pictures of him-" Bruce, Natasha, and Steve all began to laugh. Tony tried to scowl but eventually began to grin. "Then he somehow got a hold of my phone and changed the ringtones to all Justin Beber songs."   
"I remember that!" Natasha said, laughing harder. Tony rubbed his face as if exhausted and drained his glass. He poured another and Natasha grabbed a glass for herself and he filled it.   
"Yeah, yeah." Tony groused, his expression rueful. "It's not that I don't like him, I really do, even if he makes me want to punch him. But what the hell are we going to do? Even if Thor finds some magical way to help him, he killed more people-"  
"Do you really think he wanted to?" Bruce asked, his exprssion somber. Tony sighed and shook his head.  
"No, I really don't. He knew I was going to keep him confined when he got here and he didn't even try to stop me. I honestly think that if we all betrayed him he wouldn't be surprised at all. At first I was irritated when I realized this. I mean, he's the God of Lies- or at least that's what humans thought when they first encountered him all those years ago- but I really think he doesn't trust anyone. And now I've given him reason not to."  
"Tony," Natasha began, "If you believe he doesn't want to hurt anyone, don't you think that includes us? If he thinks that the only one he can safely be around is Jane Foster then I don't think he would argue with being kept separate from us."  
"I agree." Bruce said. "He can't even see right now, but he's trying to be ok with it. If he cared so little he probably would have attacked me and Steve."  
"I know you guys are trying to help, but this is actually making me feel worse." Tony sighed, taking another drink.

\---

Steve brought a tray of food back to Loki's room and almost blushed at the scene he was greeted with. Loki was using Jane's lap as a pillow. His arms were wrapped around her knees, and she still ran her fingers through his hair. His eyes were barely open, but he looked utterly content. Steve cleared his throat and ordered FRIDAY to allow him inside the room. Neither Jane nor Loki moved other than to look in his direction. Jane's expression hardened when she saw what he carried.  
"I appreciate that, Mr. Roger's-" Jane began.  
"Please, call me Steve." he said with a smile.  
"Jane, you have to eat. I can hear your stomach growling very loudly." Loki said, his voice soft, as if he was exhausted. Steve sat the tray down next to her and smiled even broader.  
"He's right. I can hear it too. Just try to eat a little." she scowled and stared down at Loki as she began to rub his scalp. Loki sighed deeply.  
"Please Jane. I will feel better if you eat." he said.   
"Fine." she muttered. Steve and Loki both smiled.  
"Please let me know if you need anything else." Steve said and left them alone.

\---

The expression on his face when he returned to the kitchen drew stares.  
"What's wrong?" Natasha asked, her eyes narrowing. Steve flushed.  
"I'm not trying to be a gossip, but does anyone know what is going on between Loki and Jane?" Tony finally perked up.  
"Oh, you are such a boy scout! I'll be the gossip then! He was sleeping in her bed when I found them- not in the middle but on the side. And she had just woken up when I arrived, I could tell. Not only that- I sat down on her couch and it was cold. No one had been sleeping there."  
"This is really none of our business." Bruce said, frowning.  
"I think it's sweet. I've never seen him even look at anyone with anything resembling interest of any kind." Natasha said. When she saw Bruce, Tony, and Steve all exchange amused looks she scowled. "What?!"  
"We've all caught him checking you out, doll." Said Tony with a smug smile. She felt her face grow pink even as she rolled her eyes.   
"Is it just me or does her name sound really familiar?" Bruce said. Steve nodded.  
"I know what you mean, but I can't think of where I would have heard-"  
"Are you guys serious?" Tony cried. "She's the one who discovered the Einstein-Rosen bridge!" Bruce, Natasha, and Steve just looked at him expectantly. Tony sighed. "She was the first person to meet Thor! He told us about her, don't you remember?"  
"Vaguely." Natasha said.  
"Well, a lot has happened since then." Steve said.   
"And Thor can be... Chatty." Bruce said. Tony couldn't help but snicker.  
"Especially when he's been drinking." Tony agreed and emptied his glass. No one said much after that.

\---

Jane ate some grapes, and a plum, and some cheese. She was nibbling on a cracker when Loki smiled faintly.  
"Are you feeling better?" he asked, his voice still faint. Jane sighed.  
"I am not hungry anymore." she said. "But you are." Loki's expression grew dark.  
"I've done enough damage, don't you think? Thor will be back soon-" Jane snorted.   
"Maybe he will for you." she said, her voice suddenly irritated. Loki frowned.   
"You think he abandoned you?" Loki said.  
"I don't think it. I know it." her answer apparently distressed Loki.  
"Jane, that was all my doing. He was forced to destroy the bifrost because of me."  
"Loki. I know that, and that's not what I meant. I meant after the Aether." she sighed then. "I can't really blame him, it was as much my fault as it was his. We were both busy." Loki chuckled at that and squeezed her legs.  
"I'll never be too busy for you." he said. Jane smiled.  
"I hope so." she said. 

\---

Thor stood at the foot of a mountain of bones. The sky was roiling with black clouds. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed and it had nothing to do with him. Dark shapes flitted through the clouds. He saw massive, feathered wings. He saw cruel talons longer than his arms. He saw raptor birds that spewed lightening from their vicious black beaks.  
He began to climb the mountain of bones.

\---

The sun was beginning to rise and Loki was already asleep. Jane could barely keep her eyes open. She grabbed Loki's pillows since he was still using her lap and shoved them behind her back and the moment she was comfortable her eyes closed and she nodded off.

\---

Thor brought down his hammer and shattered the skull of the magnificent raptor. It pained him to destroy such a creature, but he had no choice. The Thunder bird fell from the sky and crashed into a mountain of bones. Thor shielded himself from the skulls and bones that rained upon him then clambered up the back of the beast until he reached the head.   
He pulled away bits of skull, feathers, and brains until he saw a glowing stone. He pulled it free with a sigh of relief and for a moment stared at the lovely color. It was like a pink and orange sunset.  
"Finally I have it. Heimdall! Send me to Midgard!"

\---

Jane awoke to see Thor entering Loki's room. His face lit up when he saw her, then softened when he saw his younger brother using her as a pillow. She sat up, her expression hopeful.  
"Thor, can you help him?"  
"Aye, Jane. I wish it had not taken so long, but the Thunderbirds are hard to find and even harder to kill." She looked confused and he pulled a gorgeous gem from a small bag hanging from his belt.  
"It looks like a fire opal!" Thor smiled.  
"It is an Eagle Stone. It will restore him to his former self." He gently rolled Loki onto his back and motioned for Jane to move away. She hesitated, but climbed off of the bed and stood next to Thor.  
He tore open Loki's shirt and placed the gem upon his sternum and it immediately began to glow. The stone grew brighter until she could barely look at it and then the glow covered his whole body. The brilliance made her eyes burn and she squeezed them shut. She heard a deep sigh as the light faded and she cautiously opened her eyes.  
"Oh!" Thor said, "Oh dear." Loki skin was blue and Jane nearly screamed in terror, thinking him dead. His eyes opened slowly and she saw they were blood red.  
"What did you do to him?!" Jane cried.

TBC...


	8. the difference

TITLE: Ruiner  
AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch (ao3), Kichi (ff.net)  
SUBJECT: Loki is attacked by a horrible creature of legend and finds himself changed for the worse. Eventual Loki/Jane   
FANDOM: Thor (movies), Avengers (movies), Avengers (comics- just threw in a few characters for support or back story)  
WARNINGS: blood and death (not major character death- just random innocent civilian death) and DEFINITELY some sex :)  
NOTES: I refuse to believe that Loki is dead and I am ignoring Infinity War. Actually, I really don’t know where this would fit in, so it will just have to be an AU. Also, 'Ruiner' is a Nine Inch Nails song.  
ALSO: I edited every damn chapter and put (~) Tildes between each scene so it would be easier to read and when I just uploaded the edited chapters NONE OF THE MARKS SHOWED UP. I don't know why, but I'm very angry. I put tons of spaces between each scene at first and that didn't work, so this entire fic looks like its just mashed together and I hate it. I'm sorry if it's hard to read, but I promise it's not because I haven't tried to fix it.

 

You had to covet what was mine,  
didn't you? Didn't you?

\---  
Loki sat up, blinking slowly. He sighed and visibly relaxed when he realized he could see again, then turned and saw Thor. Then he saw Jane's expression and grew tense.  
"What?" he demanded, his expression wary.  
"Jane, it's alright," Thor said. "That is his true form." Loki's eyes widened and he looked down at himself and gasped in horror.  
"Thor, what-" he shuddered and immediately turned away from them. He stared down at his shaking hands in abject horror.   
"I'm sorry brother. I know how you feel-" Thor began.  
"No you don't!" Loki said his voice breaking. Jane walked around the bed until she faced him and felt her eyes burn when he covered his face. She knelt in front of him. "Jane don't. Please don't look." the pain and loathing in his voice broke her heart.  
"Loki, please don't say that." she gently took his hands, pulled them down to his lap, and held them. His eyes were clenched shut and tears spilled down his cheeks. She saw designs on his flesh, and the shades of blue were frankly mesmerizing. The beautiful gem was actually in his flesh, sitting there like it belonged, as if it merely hung from an invisible chain and wasn't actually a part of him. But his hands were like ice, and it worried her. "Please look at me. I was just scared, I thought you were dead for a second there." his mouth twisted and she saw the tears drip faster. "Please, what is the matter? Why won't you look at me?" Thor sat beside Loki as well.  
"Brother, do not be ashamed. I will always love you, no matter the color of your skin. And Jane does not seem to mind, either."  
"No!" Jane said, "Of course I don't! I was just startled because when a human turns blue its usually because they're dead- or almost anyway." He grimaced. Jane could have kicked herself at her poor choice of words. She was trying to help, and she was failing miserably. She floundered for a moment longer and just held his hands before she could think of something to say. "Loki, just tell me this- How are you feeling? Do you feel.. like yourself again?" his eyes finally opened as if her question made him finally realize that he did. He sat silently, brushing his tears away. He dropped his hand back to his lap and Jane took his hand in hers again. He confirmed her guess with a nod, his expression faintly amazed. He sat up straighter and looked at Thor, his eyes wide.   
"I am, Thor." he said softly. "You did it." Thor's smile was as bright as the sun and he pulled Loki into an embrace that forced a squeak from his lungs. Jane watched them with a smile that grew even bigger when she felt Loki squeeze her hands. She squeezed them back. When Thor finally released Loki he gasped and looked slightly dazed. Jane knew the feeling and couldn't help but laugh. She released his hands and got to her feet and grabbed the tray of food Steve had brought her.  
"Loki are you hungry?" he stared at the fruits and cheese and crackers for a moment and his stomach roared in protest. Jane and Thor laughed, and finally Loki smiled. It was a small, tired thing, but it was there nevertheless.  
*^*  
Loki devoured everything Jane hadn't eaten and when she asked Thor to bring him something to drink he quickly rose to comply. Jane and Loki watched him leave, then he yawned.  
"Loki, you are tired. You should rest. You have been through a lot." he looked like the idea did not appeal to him at all. But then he yawned again and nodded. Jane put the tray on the floor and brushed a few crumbs away and covered Loki with blankets as he stretched out beside her.  
When Thor returned with a glass of juice he was already asleep.  
*^*  
Thor and Jane Foster both walked into the kitchen. The Avenger's saw the relief on their faces and they each shot to their feet.  
"What happened?" Tony said.  
"Is Loki alright?" Steve said moments after.  
"Did you find something to help him?" Natasha said. Thor held up his hands with a grin.  
"I was able to help him this time. But I need to tell you all, the Eagle Stone has caused him to revert to his true form, and he is not entirely happy about it." Before anyone could say another thing, Jane turned to Thor and said: "Why does he look like that? I didn't want to ask either of you once I saw how upset he was."  
"What happened? What do you mean, 'true form'?" Tony said.   
"And why is he upset?" Steve asked. Thor sighed.  
"Just before I was banished - the very cause of my banishment- also revealed to my brother that he is a frost giant. Our parents kept that from him- from everyone- his whole life. On Asgard Frost Giants are our mortal enemies. When Odin found Loki, he had been abandoned as a tiny infant. He brought Loki home and adopted him as his son. When Loki discovered this, he did not take it well." Tony opened his mouth but all that came out was a pained squeak as Natasha pinched him. Thor sighed. "All our lives we've been told that the Frost giants are savage beasts, no better than animals. I can't imagine how he felt when he found out he was one. I only know what he did after that."  
"But, just to be clear- he's not going to drink anyone's blood anymore?" Tony said, despite Natasha digging her elbow in his ribs. Thor shook his head.  
"No, he will not. He just ate a large tray of food that Jane was unable to finish and now he is asleep. The eagle stone is now a part of him, and that is what has caused him to switch to his Jotun form. When he has rested perhaps he will be able to change his appearance back. I hope for his sake that he can. He despises his true form." Thor sighed.   
"What does he look like?" Natasha asked, her expression curious.  
"His skin is blue-" Jane began.  
"Like a Smurf?" Tony began, and Jane shot him a look that promised violence. His mouth snapped shut.  
"No!" Jane said, glaring daggers at him. "He's lighter. And don't ever call him a Smurf!"  
"What is a Smurf?" Thor said, but Jane ignored him.  
"His skin has markings on them, and his eyes are completely blood red." she continued.  
"Seriously?" Bruce said, looking incredulous.  
"Indeed." Thor said softly. "I confess I prefer them green." Steve sighed and patted Thor on the shoulder.  
"Well, from what you've said, I doubt he wants to hear anything like that." he said. Thor nodded.  
"I am certain he wouldn't. This is the first time I've actually seen it. And he did not react well when he saw his appearance, either. I would not be surprised if he refuses to leave his room for days after this. That was his habit at home when he was upset, at any rate."  
"Do you think he would mind visitors then?" Steve asked. Thor frowned.   
"I'll ask him when he wakes up." Jane said before Thor could. "I am going to check on him now." Thor watched her go with a smile. No one said a word until her footsteps faded away.  
"So Thor, you and Jane are-" Tony's words ended in a gasp as Natasha again elbowed him in the ribs.  
"Tony for God's sake!" Steve cried throwing his hands up. Thor chuckled.  
"Relax everyone. Jane and I are merely friends. And I am not blind. I can see that Jane and my brother are in love."  
"Seriously?" Tony gaped. "I could tell they like each other, but love-"  
"Tony, please!" Bruce cried.   
"Guys, calm down, ok? I'm just curious." Tony said, holding his hands up in defeat. "I swear I'll shut up now."  
"Good!" Bruce, Natasha, and Steve snapped. Thor smiled.  
*^*  
When Jane walked in the room Loki's eyes opened. He still lay on the bed, but his covers were thrown off. His ruby eyes flicked to her for an instant before he looked away. His cheeks turned a faint purple for a second that was quite charming.  
"How are you feeling?" Jane said as she sat beside him. He shrugged, still not looking at her.  
"I'm tired. And I feel like I've done nothing but sleep lately. And it feels very hot in here. I'm sure it isn't, but it feels too hot to me."  
"FRIDAY?" Jane said.   
"Yes, Miss Foster?" FRIDAY chirped.  
"Could you lower the temperature in here? What is it at now?"  
"72 degrees Fahrenheit. What would you like the temperature set at?"  
"52 degrees Fahrenheit." Loki said, wiping sweat from his face with the corner of his tangled sheets. His face was definitely flushed a pretty purple. Jane stood abruptly.   
"I'm going to get you something cold to drink." she said. He nodded.  
"Please." She brought him back three bottles of water and a large glass of ice. He drank the first glass greedily and then sat back with a sigh. The room was definitely getting colder and she shivered. Loki noticed and frowned. He patted the bed beside him and Jane immediately sat down, trying not to let her teeth chatter. As soon as she was situated comfortably he began to wrap his blankets around her. "I'm sorry Jane."  
"Loki, please, I am fine I promise." she lay back against his pillows and held her arms open. He hesitated and she sat up, grabbing his wrist gently. "What is it?" she tried not to let her upset show when he gently pulled out of her grasp.  
"I'll make you feel even colder by touching you Jane."  
"It's alright Loki. Thor thinks you will be able to go back to your old self as soon as you get some rest. And even if you don't, neither the color or the temperature of your skin has any effect on how I feel about you." he sighed and smiled weakly, still staring past her. Then his smile twisted until it was a sneer.  
"You don't understand, Jane." he said, his voice soft. "I know nothing of what I am capable in this form. I've seen frost giants touch the bare skin of the Aesir and burn it black with frost bite in an instant. You are a mortal. I could accidentally freeze your entire body with just a touch."  
"But I held your hands earlier!" Jane protested. Loki closed his eyes and rubbed his temples as if his head ached unbearably. "Does your head hurt?" she said.  
"My whole life fucking hurts." he muttered. Then he sat up and finally locked his ruby eyes with hers. Even his pupils were a dark shade of wine red. She smiled and tried to touch his cheek but he pulled back, his expression alarmed.   
"It doesn't have to." she assured him. He sighed and his gaze dropped once again. He felt her hand on his cheek and he froze in shock. "It's fine Loki. I'm fine, I promise." He felt his mouth twist in grief. It wasn't fine. He had gone from one form of monster to another. It was as simple as that. "Please, you said you are tired, won't you lie down?" He hesitated a moment before nodding and lying down on the bed on top of the covers. The moment Jane tried to snuggle close he grabbed her shoulders and gently forced her back.  
"I can't." was all he said. Jane nodded, careful to not let her disappointment show.   
He wanted to touch her. It wasn't that he didn't. He was too anxious at the thought of freezing her to death to touch her for more than a moment. He couldn't miss the hurt in her gaze and cursed himself for having caused it. But it was much preferable to the alternative. As it was, she was already huddled under his blankets. He could feel her shivering.  
"Jane?" he said softly. Her eyes snapped open to lock with his. "It is too cold in here for you. I don't want you to become ill. I'm sure Tony Stark can give you a much warmer room..." he trailed off at the look of dismay on her face.  
"You want me to leave?" she asked in a small voice that made his heart ache.  
"Of course not. I want to be normal, then you wouldn't be freezing. But until I am you are going to suffer, and I cannot allow that." Jane smiled faintly, shaking her head.  
"I just need more blankets, warmer clothes-" Loki's sigh cut her off. She frowned, feeling unsure. Did he want her to leave or didn't he? He yawned and his eyes blinked wearily. He didn't want to argue with her. He was exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep without having to worry that he would accidentally cling to her and wake up holding a frozen corpse. As if she'd read his mind, Jane sat up and pushed his blankets off. "It's fine, you're right- you'll be more comfortable-"  
"Jane." Loki sighed, feeling truly wretched. "I am not saying this to hurt you." she smiled but he still saw sadness in her eyes.  
"I know that, Loki. Really, I do. And it's ok, I promise."  
^*^  
Jane appeared in the common room long enough to tell everyone she was going for a walk. Thor offered to accompany her, but she shook her head with a smile. She left the tower with no particular destination in mind. The air was cold and for that she was grateful. New York was no a place she enjoyed in the heat of summer. Or any major metropolitan area, for that matter. In the height of summer they all tended to smell like a filthy toilet.  
She wasn't sure what to do. Loki had serious problems with his Jotun form. She wanted to help him. She wanted to help him realize that no matter what, she cared for him deeply. She had never felt this way about anyone. He was smart, sexy, and even if he hadn't rescued her from the pit of despair, she knew without a doubt she would have been drawn to him like a moth to a flame.  
She had been infatuated with Thor, she saw that. He was every girl's dream come true. But then, Loki was too. He was just as much the handsome Prince. The only difference was that he didn't bestow affection on just anyone. And that made her feel even more special, desired, and cherished.   
Yes, he had killed people, but so had Thor. So had Tony Stark, Steve Rodgers, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, and Clint Barton. They had all taken lives, but they were still heroes. They had still been given a chance to prove their worth and to help when help was needed. And at first she had wondered why Loki had been given that chance. But as she'd told Darcy, it was clear now.  
She sighed, thinking about Loki's out-right refusal to touch her or let her touch him. She knew it was only because he was afraid of hurting her. But it made her feel so sad for him. She just wanted to hold him close and assure him that everything would fine.   
Terrified screams shattered her thoughts and she turned to see five versions of Doctor Doom.  
*^*  
"Sir?" FRIDAY chirped.  
"Yes, dear?" Tony called lazily as he made himself coffee.  
"Dr. Foster is currently being kidnapped by Doombots."

 

TBC...

Wow! I have taken WAY TOO LONG to post this, I am so sorry! I had my daughter's birthday party, then cleanup, then putting up Halloween decor, and out of town visitors. And I've still been reading fanfic like fucking crazy, but today I was like: "This fic is getting done, I have more fic I want to write. Does anyone know Angrbodagiantess? Because I want to finish 'Pray for Rain' for them. I have to ask permission and if I never hear back then I'm gonna do it anyway. Someone wrote a fic based on Ideaphobes 'Evolutionary Imperative', so it's not like no one's ever done it. But that is my next project (hopefully- I'll cry if they say 'No! Fuck you- come up with your own fic!') and if not I have other fics planned anyway.


	9. the recollections

Ruiner   
Chapter 9  
By: Kichi AKA: RedMetalWitch  
The ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies  
Maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will  
Suddenly realize

Thor was the picture of indecision.  
"I have to tell Loki. But I am reluctant. Yet I have no choice."  
"What do you mean you're reluctant?" Tony spluttered. Thor winced.  
"He will not take it well. Jotun's are thought to be extremely possessive, and are known for their berserker rage. They will fight like creatures possessed. My brother has but once lost compete control in such a manner and the destruction he caused was massive. And this had nothing to do with a woman he cared about. I am afraid that this time could prove even more catastrophic. However, I cannot keep this from him as much as I'd like. Because he will find out, and I fear that outcome even more." Bruce grimaced.   
"Maybe I should tell him?" he offered. "Maybe... Maybe he'll try to stay calm if it's coming from me?" Steve was already shaking his head.  
"And if that doesn't work? If he does something to upset you?" he began.  
"Then we'll have two problems to deal with." Natasha finished. Bruce nodded, his expression suddenly forlorn. Thor sighed.  
"I must deal with this. It is the only way."  
*^*  
Jane screamed in terror as she was caught in the vice-like grip of a Doombot and catapulted into the sky. Their speed was forcing her even harder against the cold metal machine. It was too fast. The pressure was growing too painful. Her head felt like it was going to explode and she could barely breathe.   
It was only moments later when she lost consciousness.  
*^*  
When she awoke she immediately retched. She was onboard a sleek jet and the Mandarine hovered over her. She gasped and tried to crawl away until he seized her hair and yanked it viciously.  
"You miserable wretch." he hissed. "Do you know what you've cost me?" before she could answer he slapped her. "Do you realize I had to waste the one favor Dr. Doom owed me to recover you?" another slap, and Jane gasped in pain. "And you run off with my experiment?!" another slap and she tasted blood. Then his hands were locked around her throat and she couldn't breathe. She kicked and struggled, but could do nothing. He was screaming at her but all she could hear was the blood roaring in her ears.  
*^*  
Loki was asleep when Thor entered the chilly room. He lay on his side wearing only 'boxers' as the humans called them. Thor smiled as Loki snored lightly. He was loathe to wake him, but the longer he delayed the angrier Loki would likely be. He shook Loki's shoulder.  
"Loki, wake up." It was apparent how exhaused he was still, that his eyes blinked sluggishly and then slid shut again. Had he been well-rested, he would have been awake and aware immediately. Thor sighed. It was easy for Loki to get irritated quickly when someone was trying to wake him. That someone was always Thor. "Loki!" Thor said, shaking him a bit rougher than intended. Loki's head snapped back and his eyes flew open. He sat up with a strangled gasp, his expression more than alarmed. "Loki, I'm sorry to have startled you, but you must wake!" Loki stared at him blankly for a moment, his red eyes wide and blinking owlishly. His hair was a riot of tangled waves.   
"What?!" he snapped, rubbing his face. "I'm tired-"  
"I know it brother, and I am sorry, but I need to know- have you made an enemy of the mortal called Doctor Doom?" Loki scoffed, his lips twisting in sneer.  
"Not that I am aware, why do you ask?" Loki's expression went from puzzled to wary.  
"He has taken Jane." Loki immediately shot out of bed and began tugging a rumpled pair of jeans on.   
"When? Why? I'll kill him-!" he searched for a shirt, his expression suddenly bewildered. "But why Jane?" he said, more to himself than Thor.  
"We have no clue." Thor admitted. "The Avengers assure me that this mortal is insane, perhaps there is no reason."  
"Oh, that makes me feel SO much better!" Loki spat. "Maybe he just wants to cut off her skin and wear it."  
"I doubt-"  
"He couldn't possibly know..." Loki trailed off grabbing another shirt from the floor and shaking it roughly before pulling it on. "I just don't understand. It has to be something horrible and perverse-"  
"Brother please calm yourself! You always envision the worst!"  
"I can't help it!" He suddenly screamed. "I've lived through the worst, many times!" he stormed into the bathroom and slammed it shut. Thor heard the toilet flush moments later and then the sink running. When Loki emerged his hair and eyes were still wild. He quickly found socks and boots and pulled them on. He glared at Thor. "Well?! Where do we find this fool?"  
*^*  
Loki tried not to notice the way everyone snuck furtive glances his way every few seconds. He didn't want their damn help, and he wasn't sure why. He knew they would be able to find Jane faster with several eyes instead of two. He needed them. But he was so furious he was having difficulty controlling himself.  
He wasn't sure they were watching him out of unease over his temper, or his appearance. Either option made him feel even more out of control with rage to the point that deadly sharp ice had begun to form on his flesh in front of the Avengers and they had all backed away uneasily. Thor had not, for which he found himself oddly proud of his elder brother.   
"Loki, please, try to calm down." he'd said as quietly as he could. Loki had sighed deeply and clenched his fists until the ice broke off his knuckles. Tony had an affectionate smile on his face when Loki finally relaxed.  
"We'll help you find her, Loki. Anyway, I have to thank Dr. Doom, now!" He winked at Loki's indignant expression. "He's more full of himself than I am, but now he's made the worst mistake ever and I can rub it in his face forever-"  
"I'm going to kill him-"  
"Loki, you can't!" Steve cried.   
"Aw, don't ruin my fun, please!" Tony whined. Natasha sent a look his way that immediately had him chuckling nervously, his hands up in surrender.  
"What do you mean, I can't?" Loki snarled, ignoring Tony to glare at the Captain.  
"Loki, unfortunately Steve is right." Natasha said, her expression sympathetic. "As the absolute monarch of Latveria, Doctor Doom has diplomatic immunity – allowing him to escape prosecution for most of his crimes*. If you kill him we'll all pay the price. It could even cause a war. The American people would despise us for that. The first thing they would do would be to lock us up."  
"And then I can't laugh at him forever for making an enemy of you!" Tony added with a hopeful smile. "Loki, he fancies himself skilled in magic after all-"  
"Oh, what?! Is he going to throw playing cards at me?!" Loki scoffed. Tony laughed with delight.  
"Compared to you, he might as well! I'm sorry for enjoying this so much, but someone needs to put that arrogant bastard in his place. I can't lie, I have dreamed of this day ever since you came to stay with us!" Loki's lips were pressed in an thin line as if he was trying not to smile. Thor covered his mouth completely and turned away.  
"Fine! I can settle for complete humiliation!" he pouted and his eyes narrowed. "Unless Jane is hurt. I will make no promises if that is the case."  
They couldn't argue with him on that point.   
*^*  
One thing the Avengers had come to learn about Thor and Loki was they could both be incredibly stubborn.   
And they all knew they had never seen either one in a blind rage. It was something they had discussed but once, as they all dreaded it. The discussion had come after Thor and Loki had been drinking with Tony one night.   
'Thor started it.' Loki had been adamant. Tony later confirmed his story. The rest of the team had come home to find Loki holding Thor in a head lock. Thor put his hand under Loki's nose and shoved back until Loki bellowed and released his neck. Then Loki grabbed his hand and twisted until they heard a crack.   
Everyone hovered unsure what to do.  
"You dislocated my finger." Thor said, yanking the joint back into place.  
"Good." Loki said, sneering. "You started it. Like you always do." Thor shoved him back a step, but he was also smiling ruefully.  
"I do not."  
"You're such a liar!" Loki said with a laugh of disbelief. "I'm going to bed, I've had enough of this." Thor trailed after him and began to poke Loki in his ribs. "Stop it!" they heard Loki yell. "You are so annoying!" Thor continued to poke him and laugh as they headed down the hall to their rooms.  
Everyone turned to look at Tony, who looked just as stunned.  
"Thor really did start it." he'd said. They talked for awhile after that and came to the general consensus that if their fighting went from playful to truly violent their best bet was to get the hell out of their way and start evacuating the city. They also made Tony promise not to drink with them again. Tony had protested vehemently, and when he finally promised, no one believed him. Once he'd staggered off to bed, the rest of the team had decided to make sure at least one of them was present if Tony and the brothers were together. Then they decided to hide all the alcohol. Tony was outraged the next morning. But by noon he'd found every bottle they had pilfered away.   
*^*  
Clint and Natasha sat farthest from Loki as usual. They had learned long ago to be very quick when sneaking a glance at Loki. And they had also learned that they had better be sure he wasn't anywhere near if they had anything negative to say about him. This was damn near impossible, so they had quickly resorted to texting in code.  
He'd turned Clint and Natasha's hair white for a week for following him the first time he left Stark tower alone. Natasha had been even more furious than Clint. But they soon realized that everything he did was harmless. Furthermore, he left them alone when they respected his privacy. It was hard for them to trust him, especially Clint. But Loki always seemed to regard them with fondness or amusement no matter what they said or did. Eventually they had begun to tolerate him, if not like him. He seemed content as well as long as they remained civil.  
They watched him as his eyelids began to droop and he yawned repeatedly. He was clearly exhausted. They heard Thor tell him to 'close your eyes, already', and shortly after, he did. They stared without bothering to hide it once they heard his soft snoring.   
Natasha, for her part, thought he now looked exotic in a primitive way. The raised markings that were paler than the rest of his flesh and their symmetrical patterns were fascinating and she wondered what they meant. She wondered if Loki knew, or cared. From what Thor had said, she doubted it. They had all noticed that he barely glanced at any of them the scant hour he was awake. It was not merely exhaustion, she saw the wariness he tried to conceal. From what Thor had told them, Jotunheim had tried to take over Earth long ago. She'd never read anything in a history book that even remotely described such a thing. She would probably be better looking in the mythology section of the library. It seemed unlikely to her, but then, not much surprised her anymore when it came to Asgard or the other realms (as they called them).  
What surprised her was the fact that Odin would take in a child of an enemy. But she could hardly claim to know the man. She had never set foot on Asgard, she was more than happy to stay on Earth, thank you. She wondered why Loki was so uneasy. He, like herself, was an orphan. He had been abandoned shortly after birth for being far too small. She had hated herself when her heart clenched in sympathy for him. Yet she had always known she'd no true family, he'd grown into a man believeing himself something he wasn't through no fault of his own. And she somehow couldn't help but feel sympathetic. She found herself imagining a scenario where she'd grown up thinking Ivan Petrovitch was her father only to find out he'd lied her whole life. She was unable to imagine her reaction with certainty. Would she feel betrayed? Most likely. Would she be hurt? How could she not? But she couldn't fathom what she would do about it. Would she cry? Would she yell and curse? Would she shut down and refuse to react? She didn't know. And neither did she know Loki's reaction. Thor had been evasive on that point. But it was clear from his wary behavior that Frost Giants were despised by everyone he knew. This much Thor had explained. Perhaps he expected the Avengers to harbor the same prejudices.   
Another thing that intrigued her was his infatuation with Jane Foster. Clearly she was smart and attractive, but Natasha found herself in a state of disbelief at the thought that he was even able to care about anyone. And she realized it was her bias that was reflected in this belief, but she had a hard time relinquishing it. He obviously cared for Thor, despite their occasional bickering. He spoke fondly of his mother if ever Thor happened to mention her. She knew he was not really evil. They also now knew that he had been coerced to attack Earth years ago, just as he had forced Clint to obey him. She knew she had to forgive him eventually, and she was doing her damnedest to. But she was not the forgiving type, and it would be a struggle for some time. But she was trying. His frantic anger at the news of Jane's kidnapping had made her heart skip a beat. She knew in her core that his anxiety was genuine. And she knew without a doubt that Jane was entirely innocent and undeserving of whatever Dr. Doom had planned for her. Natasha knew she could help find her, and so she volunteered to join them.   
*^*  
Clint, for his part, did not trust Loki. But he no longer hated and feared him. He did not like him by any means. He merely tolerated him. And he was never more disconcerted than when Loki smiled at him specifically. But it was never a threatening leer or a haughty smirk. It was almost kind. And for some reason it lowered his defenses, despite how he fought the reaction. He couldn't help but notice that Loki was always unfailingly polite to those who treated him civilly. But the only people he really talked to were Thor and Tony. Occasionally Steve as well, for who couldn't help but come to like and admire Steve Rodger's?  
It was the expression in his violently red eyes that gave him pause. He had seen Loki's many moods. Yet he had never seen him genuinely afraid for someone else. He had heard Loki yelling before they had seen him after Thor had gone to wake him.   
His appearance startled Clint. His hair was wild and his eyes were wide and almost panicked. He plucked at his palm nervously and Thor had to physically hold his arm to keep him from running off alone to find Jane Foster. Had his interest been only to steal her from Thor, he'd have barely batted an eyelash at the news of her disappearance. Instead he did everything in his power to try and escape Thor's grasp, but it was obvious that he was exhausted and he quickly tired and gave up. Instead he began to plead with Thor to hurry and insist that his dawdling would be the end of her. He easily manipulated Thor's emotions until he was in as much of a hurry, demanding Tony take them to Dr. Doom's lair.  
Tony, of course, was more that happy to oblige, immensely joyful at the prospect of seeing Doom get his head shoved up his own ass. Steve, of course, was more than happy to aid any damsel in distress. Bruce had gone out of a need to feel useful- that, and it seemed he was always trying to do little things to put Loki at ease or try to gain his acceptance. But when Natasha volunteered to help he had been taken aback. And from the barely hidden shock on his face, so was Loki.  
Latveria was hours away. Loki had almost immediately succumbed to his obvious exhaustion and was snoring gently, his elder brother the only thing keeping him from crumpling to the floor in a heap. Clint did not like him. He did not.   
When they had discovered that Loki's role in the invasion was that of another puppet obeying someone else's commands, he hadn't known what to feel. Especially when he had seen the shocking evidence of his obvious torture. Natasha and he had seen Loki late one night, in nothing but a towel, getting a drink from the common area. He still did not know if Loki had been aware of their presence that night. They had been shocked to see massive scarring covering his back from his shoulders, and even across the backs of his legs all the way to his ankles. It was clear they were caused by either a blade or a whip. He returned to his room as silently as he'd come and they had stared at each other in shock. Natasha was the first to break the long silence.  
"I've noticed his eyes aren't blue. When he came to Earth the first time they were blue, like yours had been. He also looked ill. I saw the footage. He was staggering like he could barely keep his feet under him." Clint recalled scowling fiercely.  
"What are you suggesting?" he'd snapped. Natasha had smiled sympathetically.  
"Clint, he didn't do that to himself. Those scars are just old enough to have been done just before he came to Earth. Thor has been adamant that Loki is not entirely responsible for his actions. I always thought he was just blindly defending him out of familial loyalty. But after seeing this I'm inclined to believe him. It's beginning to seem likely he was a pawn after all." Clint had shaken his head, not wanting to believe her logic. "You told me yourself he seemed exhausted and hurt the entirety of your time with him. You said he couldn't eat or sleep. Thor has told us several times that had Loki wanted to, the Earth would be ashes now. We've seen a bare minimum of what he's capable of and it seems obvious that Thor isn't exaggerating. Had he wanted to win, I think he would have."  
"Then why didn't he?" Clint had hissed in irritation. He didn't want to believe her, but he knew that Natasha was far more objective on the subject of Loki than he was. Natasha frowned, her expression then turned thoughtful.  
"Maybe he didn't want to."  
She had been right, of course. She usually was. Not long after that, Clint had woken to terrified screams that had sent his heart-rate through the roof. He'd shot out of bed and found Stark shaking Loki frantically, trying to wake him from his spot on the couch where he struggled violently and was apparently in the midst of a full-blown night terror.  
"Stop, please! I'll do anything you say!" Loki had screamed. Stark looked utterly terrified, and when he spotted Clint he bellowed: "Get Thor!" Clint had needed no further prompting. He had raced down the halls yelling for Thor, Loki's panicked screams ringing in his ears.  
Thor managed to wake him, but he could do nothing to calm his younger brother. Clint and Stark had retreated enough to give them privacy but they could still hear Loki's frantic cries dissolve into choked sobs. Steve and Natasha joined them moments later, but Tony quickly assured them that everything would be alright. He was flustered enough that they both eyed him skeptically- Steve especially -he winced as he heard Loki, but they relented and returned to their rooms without a word. Once they were gone Clint and Stark listened again as Thor tried to calm Loki and his plaintive cries faded to quiet weeping.  
"What the fuck?!" Stark had gasped. It was then that Clint told him about the brutal scars that covered every inch of his back and legs and Natasha's suspicions. Stark looked positively green, and Clint began to feel guilt for the hatred he had been harboring and nurturing.  
He was not able to sleep that night.   
The next morning was not much better. He felt an even more intense stab of guilt when he found Thor and Loki, still on the couch, asleep. Thor held Loki tight in his arms. Loki clung back just as fiercely. His face was a splotchy mess, as if he'd never stopped crying throughout the night and had only just fallen asleep. Clint retreated quickly, not wanting to disturb them.   
He had thought Loki heartless, remorseless, cruel, and a dangerous sociopath. But he knew damn well that no one that fit that description would cry as if their heart was breaking. They would not wake at night screaming in terror. They would not beg for mercy or promise obedience. And they certainly wouldn't cling to anyone in desperate need of comfort.   
He couldn't look at Loki the same way after that night. He knew then that Natasha had been correct in her assumption. He had been forced to come to Earth and lead the Chitauri invasion. He had been tortured horrifically to gain his compliance. Clint knew what Loki had done to him had been nothing compared to what he'd suffered- what he still suffered.  
He tried to avoid Loki after that, but it wasn't due to hatred or anger. It was fear. He dreaded seeing another repeat of that night. And it seemed that Loki loved to sleep on that couch, because he could be found there at night more often than not. So Clint avoided the common room at night for months. Until one night he awoke with his throat dry as sand. His mini-fridge was empty except for a pathetic-looking apple. He sighed and made his way to the common area only to freeze in the hallway when he again heard Loki's shuddering gasps.  
"When will this end?" he had moaned, his voice thick with unshed tears. Clint flattened himself against the wall.  
"I know not, brother. But I am here. I will not allow them to hurt you again." he heard Thor's voice. He heard the sadness in that usually cheerful voice and it made his stomach twist.  
"Every night I dream of it. Why can't I stop?" Loki whimpered.   
"I wish I knew. Please Loki, you are exhausted. I know-" he broke off when Loki sobbed. "I know you don't wish to sleep, but you must! How long have you been awake?" Loki didn't answer for long moments, he only cried. Clint felt ashamed for eavesdropping, but he couldn't tear himself away. He knew the answer. He knew why Loki dreamed of it every night. He knew a victim of severe trauma when he saw one. And he could no longer deny that Loki had been traumatized far more than anyone he'd ever encountered.  
"I don't know." Loki said and gave another shuddering sob. Thor shushed him gently and held him close, rocking him back and forth. Clint crept back to his room. He'd rather drink from the bathroom faucet than spy on them anymore. He'd seen more than enough.  
Clint did not like Loki. But he could not find it in his heart to hate him. He couldn't even blame him any longer. He watched Loki as he slept. He watched Thor as he stared down at his brother, his expression concerned. Clint prayed for Jane Foster's safety and well being. He was terrified of what Loki would do if she were hurt or killed. And not only for himself and his friends. He knew with a dark certainty that her death could easily send Loki over the edge never to return.   
*^*  
Tony Stark could not help but notice they way Clint and Natasha watched Loki as he slept. They knew about that night Tony had found him having a horrible nightmare. He had come to the common room seeking some whiskey and had dropped the bottle on his foot in alarm when he'd heard a familiar voice cry: "Get off me!" then the demands had quickly dissolved into terrified pleas while he hopped on one foot, cursing in pain. He hobbled to the couch and saw Loki curled in a ball, his entire body trembling violently.  
"Loki!" Tony tried shaking him awake. It didn't work. Loki shrieked and cowered.  
"Please, stop! I'll do what you want, I promise!" he begged, tears leaking past his tightly shut eyes. He shook his head back and forth. "No, no, no, please! I beg you!" he whimpered brokenly. Tony tried shaking him harder, yelling his name louder, but it only increased Loki's terror. "Stop, please, I'll do anything you say!" his voice was nearly a shriek, his face contorted in agony. When Tony spotted Clint hovering, his face the picture of shock, he'd screamed: "Get Thor!". He hadn't known what else to do. He felt himself panicking as Loki wailed and thrashed and begged and cried. He'd never seen anything so heart-breaking. He prayed he'd never done this. He remembered the time his suit had grabbed Pepper and pulled her away from him as she'd tried to wake him from a nightmare. "Please, no! I can't take any more!" Loki had wailed as Tony gently shook him and called his name again and again.  
"Wake up, Loki!" Tony cried. "Wake up! It's just a dream, it's all right, I promise!" he was panicking. He felt his heart fluttering, his stomach twisting. He'd never seen anyone so afraid. It hurt to witness. It hurt even more to realize he was not helping in the slightest. Loki was writhing in an effort to escape. Tony heard what he prayed was Thor and Clint running towards them and thanked God when they appeared. "I can't wake him up!" he cried, wringing his hands as he jumped to his feet and scurried out of Thor's way.   
Thor's face was the picture of distress as Loki began to scream. Tony nearly jumped out of his skin and hurried to Clint's side, pulling him out of the room. Clint offered no resistance, his eyes wide as saucers.  
"What the fuck?!" Tony had gasped. His hands were shaking. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt suddenly nauseated.  
"Natasha and I saw his back." Clint said, his voice a rough whisper. "He's covered with scars. They even cover the backs of his legs. They could cover his ass and thighs for all I know, he'd just gotten out of a shower. He was covered with a towel." Clint shook his head, his expression troubled. "The only thing I've seen like it are those horrible photos of slaves who had been whipped until their back was nothing but a mass of scars. That's exactly how he looks. I never thought..." he trailed off, uncertain. Tony didn't know what to say to that, either. Loki's voice reached them as he sobbed brokenly. He wanted to go to his room and put a pillow over his head so he didn't have to hear any more. "Natasha thinks it happened before he attacked with the Chitauri. She thinks he was coerced into leading the invasion." Before that night, Tony would not have believed it. But as they listened to Loki cry and Thor try to comfort him, he just knew it was true. It made Tony feel sick. When Steve and Natasha appeared he tried to reassure them and told them to go back to sleep. He could see they didn't believe him, Steve's face especially was deeply concerned and winced as he heard Loki choke on a sob, but they did as he asked with no comment and for that he was grateful.   
"I'm going to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling the rest of the night." He sighed. He could not listen to Loki's terrified weeping any longer. He truly felt like he was going to retch. Clint nodded, his expression solemn. He patted Tony on the shoulder and trudged back to his room. Tony made it to his own room without incident and buried himself under a mound of blankets, but he could not relax. He lay on his side and stared out his window until the sky grew light.  
He came back to the present with a start. He never wanted to see that again. He was suddenly terrified. He knew Loki really liked Jane. He was neither blind, nor stupid. God help them if they couldn't find her in one piece. He knew in his heart that Loki would be utterly shattered. And Tony dreaded what he would be capable of then. And truthfully, he had grown to like him. It had shocked him how Loki's night-terrors had affected him. He'd been worried for him ever since. They had to find Jane safe. The way Loki had reacted to the news of her kidnapping had been no more than he'd expect from anyone. But to see him so anxious and determined to save her had wrenched his heart. He knew that terror very well. He had felt it cripple him as he had watched Pepper suffer while the drug Extremis had burned through her body.  
The fact that he had fallen asleep so quickly made him wonder. Was he still plagued by the horrible nightmares and avoiding sleep as a result? Or was it an effect of the Eagle stone and his transformation from Jiang Shi-blood-sucking-abomination to his 'true form' as Thor called it.  
Tony wasn't sure, but he hoped and prayed Loki would not dream.  
*^*  
Bruce felt guilty around Loki mostly. He knew in his heart he had hurt him more than necessary during the invasion. But the worst part was, no one had ever blamed him. Not even Loki himself. He knew his very presence alarmed Loki. He stared at him warily, watching his every move. The one time Bruce had raised his voice when he was near he had vanished in a blink. Bruce's anger had disappeared just as quickly to be replaced by shame. No one had said a word. They didn't need to.   
He had tried several times to assure Loki he meant no harm, but the way his eyes darted about and his hands clenched assured him that Loki dared not believe him. Furthermore, each time he had tried to speak to him, Loki looked eager to get as far away from him as possible.   
When he'd happened upon Tony, Steve, and Natasha discussing Loki, he hadn't meant to eavesdrop. But their conversation had frozen him in his tracks.  
"Clint told me that you both saw scars covering him." Natasha scoffed.  
"They make mine look like papercuts, Tony. I have never in my life seen anything like it."  
"Do you really think he was forced to lead the invasion?" Steve asked. Natasha and Tony both sighed.  
"We all saw him last night. I've never seen anything like that, either." Tony said, his voice sounding sadder than Bruce had ever heard it.   
"Agreed." Steve said.   
"I don't even want to think of what else they did to him. Or how long he held out before they broke him. For someone as strong as him, it could have been months. I can't imagine it." Tony said. He chuckled darkly. "I wish I could have seen that he was not acting of his own free will somehow. Then I could have tried to help instead of hurt."  
"Don't blame yourself. We didn't know him at all. We had no way to compare his behavior because we'd never had any previous interactions with him. We didn't even know his eyes were green, not blue." Natasha said.  
"Thor did." Steve murmured.  
"Yes, and I'm sure he's still kicking his own ass for not realizing what was going on. I mean, he's his brother for Christ's sake. If anyone should have known, it was him." Tony sighed. "He seemed to think Loki had completely lost his mind."  
"Well, that should have told us somthing right there." Steve said.  
"What's done is done. All we can do, myself in particular, is..." Natasha sighed. "Try to trust him, I suppose. Do what we can to help if he needs us."  
"You mean, be a team?" Steve said, his voice sounding almost amused.  
"I suppose. I'm not even sure myself. All this time I've hated him because of what he made Clint do. But that was nothing compared to what was done to him. And all I know is what story his scars tell. But there's plenty of ways to hurt someone without leaving marks." Natasha said.  
Bruce made his way quietly back to his rooms. He felt sick.   
He'd flung Loki about like a rag doll and all the time he was acting under duress. He was covered in scars so brutal they even shocked Natasha. He didn't want to see them. He couldn't bear to think that he'd violently attacked someone who wasn't in control of their own mind. Someone who had been tortured until they had been willing to do anything their torturer demanded. And they hadn't even given him a chance to defend himself afterwards.  
Not six months later he had appeared at Stark Tower, dressed in a fine suit. His expression was wary, but he was unfailingly polite as everyone grabbed their dinner knives and held them warningly. He even almost smiled.  
"I must speak with Thor immediately, please." His eyes scanned them quickly before dropping to the floor. "It is a 'family emergency' as you would say." Steve had been the first to stumble to his feet.  
"I'll get him." Tony waved him back in his seat.  
"JARVIS, please tell Thor he has a visitor and to come to the common area right away."  
"Indeed, sir." JARVIS replied. Loki turned away and walked over to the windows and stared at New York's sky line. No one moved or spoke. They all stared at him. After several long moments, Loki sighed, then turned to face them again.   
"I am sorry for what I did. There had to be another way, I just couldn't think of one." he said, his voice soft. No one knew what to say. They glanced at each other, then back at him, but he had turned away once more. Before anyone could figure out a response, Thor appeared.  
"Loki? What are you doing here?"  
"I've been sent to bring you home. Now." he said in a voice that was more confident. Thor simply nodded.  
"Farewell, friends, I will return as soon as I am able." Loki drew close and took his wrist and they were gone.  
"Did I just hear Loki apologize?" Tony mumbled in shock.  
It was then that Bruce had begun to wonder what Loki was really like. Was he the violent mad man that had attacked New York or the quite, polite man they'd just encountered? Was he truly sorry? Bruce had caught Natasha's eyes then. She was quite masteful at reading body language.  
"That was the first time I've seen him so nervous." she had remarked.  
"If I'd had my arrows I'd give him a reason." Clint snarled.  
"I seem to recall you saying you blew one up right in his face and it did nothing." Tony scoffed. "If he was nervous for any reason it was Bruce here. And he still walked away after that."   
"He was extremely uncomfortable, that was obvious. But he was not afraid for his own safety." Natasha said.   
"I hope everything is alright." Steve said.  
"I hope he isn't luring Thor away so he can come back for round two." Clint snapped. No one knew what to say about that either.  
Bruce recalled their re-appearance two weeks later.  
Thor was unconscious and covered in blood. Loki was white as a sheet and could barely support him.  
"I am sorry." he had gasped. "I cannot go any further." with that he dropped Thor and collapsed on top of him.   
Bruce had stitched several stab and slash wounds up that had decorated Thor's arms and torso. Steve had checked Loki for injuries. Bruce had heard a quiet utterance of: "Oh God.." from Steve but had been too focused on Thor to wonder at it. When Steve reported that Loki had suffered a gash on the back of his head and left it at that, Bruce hadn't questioned him. He'd merely tended to him after Thor. He'd sewn four stitches in his scalp and did his best to clean the blood out of Loki's hair.  
Thor regained consciousness three days later. They had been sent to a realm they called Svartalheim. There was violence brewing between Dark Elves, Stone Spirits, and Dwarves. Odin had sent the brother's to simply gather intelligence. They had been set upon by the rebels who were terrorizing each race in an attempt to set in motion a world war. Loki had been attacked from behind and knocked unconscious while the greater force attacked Thor. His wounds he'd brushed off easily, but sheer numbers had eventually exhausted him as he struggled to reach his fallen brother. A violent explosion of green energy evaporated nearly half of the rebel army and when the dust settled Loki stood at the epicenter. He had depleted nearly all his strength with the blast. He'd been using his seidr non-stop to keep them hidden. Dark Elves however, could still spot him if they were skilled, and many were. Especially their soldiers. And Thor had neither seen nor fought any Dwarves or Stone Spirits. Dark Elves were dangerous foes, and an army was too much for Thor and Loki alone. Thor was surrounded again before he could reach Loki, but as soon as the enemy began to overwhelm him Loki appeared at his side. With a roar of fury, another shockwave of brilliant green erupted from his flesh and disintegrated the lot surrounding them. Then Loki grabbed him and Thor felt the world go black. The next thing he recalled was waking in the medical wing of Stark Tower.  
Loki remained unconscious for two more days. Thor explained that Loki had used more energy than was safe. Had he been forced to use more he easily would have died. He did not try to guess how long it would take before he regained consciousness. He'd never seen him wield so much destructive power. More than half of the rebel army had been obliterated by him alone.  
That had shocked the Avengers to their core. If that was true, why hadn't he succeded with the Chitauri army? Bruce especially was mystified. If he was that powerful, how had the Hulk even stood a chance? It only made sense if Thor was lying through his teeth. But the fondness and pride they saw in his eyes as he regarded his sleeping brother was unmistakeable. And they knew he was not a liar.  
They were unsure what to think after that. That he'd almost killed himself in an effort to rescue Thor was not the actions of a lunatic. It was the actions of someone who loved his brother. He'd brought them to Stark Tower instead of collapsing anonymously at a hospital. How could he possibly think they wouldn't deliver him to SHIELD on a platter? Didn't he care? No one could guess, least of all Bruce.   
When at last he woke his eyes settled on Bruce and his expression grew faintly alarmed. Bruce, upon noticing him, immediately held his hands up and offered a small smile.  
"Don't worry, I'm here to help, I promise." Loki's expression eased somewhat, but when he noticed they were alone in the room his eyes began to dart about and he gnawed his lower lip.  
"Where is Thor?" he said, his voice hoarse. He winced and coughed weakly before slumping back against the pillows.  
"He's here. He woke up two days ago. Would you like me to get him?" Loki nodded, his eyes hopeful. Bruce smiled again and left to find Thor. Once outside he asked JARVIS to inform Thor that Loki was awake and stayed outside the room to keep Loki from becoming agitated by his presence.  
Thor appeared barely a minute later, his smile brilliant. He was in the room for possibly five minutes before he came back out, smiling gently.  
"He fell back asleep shortly after I entered the room. He is still exhausted. Perhaps by tomorrow he will be able to stay awake for more than a few moments." Bruce's surprise must have been apparent.   
"How big was that army anyway?" he said, his eyes wide.  
"I'd say about three thousand more or less." he chuckled. "Definitely less now."  
Loki slept through another day and a half. He asked for food as soon as he was awake. He ate ravenously, such that Bruce had no idea where it all could be going. He slept another six hours after that. When he woke again it was 4 am. JARVIS awoke Bruce to inform him that Loki had finally risen from bed and was asking for his brother.  
"Why tell me?" Bruce wondered aloud.  
"The Avenger's were called away by orders of Nick Fury. You were elected to remain behind in the event that Mr. Laufeyson required medical attention."  
"I suppose I can't argue with that." Bruce had sighed. He'd found Loki staring out the same window in the common room.  
"I will leave as soon as I am able, I assure you." Loki said upon hearing Bruce's footsteps. He didn't even bother to turn and see who it was.  
"I'm sure you will. But as long as you behave and don't try to hurt anyone, you can stay. I don't know a thing about magic, but from what Thor told us, you used way too much. Don't push yourself on our account." Loki nodded, but still remained staring through the glass.  
"Where is Thor?"  
"With the other's. Some sort of emergency. I can show you to his room if you would like. Or JARVIS can if you prefer." he nodded again, to what, Bruce wasn't sure. He took a few steps closer and saw Loki tense. "Are you feeling alright?"  
"I am filthy. I still have blood in my hair." his voice dropped until Bruce had to strain to hear him. "Still so damned tired..."  
"Follow me then. You can wash and sleep in Thor's room." After a moment of contemplation, Loki nodded and trudged after him. After a brief explanation of the shower and shampoo and conditioner- both of which he assured Loki was necessary for someone with long hair- he left him.  
That had probably been the most they had ever spoken. And Bruce felt a sudden desire to help as he glanced at him asleep next to Thor. He had gone along to support the team and aid in any way he could. He also liked Jane. She was smart and kind. And if she saw something good in Loki, then it had to be there. If Thor never gave up on him, he had to be worth it. And he realized he wanted to help Loki as well. He wanted Loki to trust him, to stop regarding him as if he always expected an attack.  
*^*  
Steve flew the jet in silence, deep in thought. He couldn't help but notice they way everyone's eyes went straight to Loki and stayed there the moment he fell asleep. He wasn't sure if they were taking to opportunity to gaze upon his startlingly blue flesh and it's strange markings without feeling guilty, or if they were watching him for any signs of distress as he slept.  
They had all at one point heard his screams at night in they year and a half since they had offically invited him to stay at the tower. It upset Steve more than he dared to admit. Screams in the night usually meant a surprise attack, and several times Loki's cries had jolted him out of sleep and sent him into a near panic himself.  
One day the team had decided to have a night out. They decided to go bar-hopping. Steve had declined, as consuming alcohol was decidedly pointless. Loki had not stated his reasons, but at that point everyone knew he avoided sleep like the plague. The dark circles under his eyes and the weariness on his face needed no explanation. Thor and Tony had tried to coax him to join them, but he shook his head with a sigh.  
"Another time, perhaps." He'd said, his voice tired. He sat on the couch and flipped through channels as if he didn't care what was on one way or another. When Steve spotted Cary Grant on the screen, he urged Loki to stop channel surfing and allow him to watch. Loki did as he asked and set the remote on the coffee table. Steve took a seat beside him.  
"It's Arsenic and Old Lace!" Steve said excitedly. "You might like it. It's only just started, we haven't missed much." Loki nodded, but his eyelids were already drooping. A few minutes later Steve heard him snoring softly. Steve grabbed one of the several fluffy white blankets that lay strewn about the massive couch (it easily fit all the Avengers with room to spare and sported several recliner seats) and shook it out before draping it over Loki so that only his head was visible.  
Halfway through the film Loki jerked violently awake, he sat up a moment, blinking in confusion.  
"Are you ok?" Steve asked.  
"I dreamed I fell again." Loki mumbled. His eyes closed and he was asleep again in seconds. Steve wondered if it was just one of those dreams where you trip and then wake up, expecting to be on the floor. He watched the rest of the movie and next was "Yankee Doodle Dandy" starring James Cagney. He was about fifteen minutes in when Loki bolted upright and let loose a blood-curdling shriek.  
Steve leapt out of his seat, his heart in his throat.  
"No!" Loki screamed. "No more, please!"  
"Loki! Calm down!" Steve cried, grabbing his shoulders. Loki burst into tears and frantically tried to squirm away.  
"No I can't! No more!" he wept. "I- I can't!"  
"Loki, you're safe! It's over! Please, calm down!" he froze when Steve pulled him close . "It's over I swear to you. No one will hurt you, you're safe, I swear it!"  
"Don't hurt me, please." Loki continued t whimper.  
"I won't, I swear! I swear on my parent's graves, Loki." Steve tried to assure him. Loki suddenly clung to him fiercely. Steve's heart was thundering in his chest.   
"I can't! I-I can't take anymore!" he wailed.  
"I know Loki. You don't have to." he rubbed Loki's back as shudderes raced through him. "Just breathe, can you do that? Nice and slow?" Loki tried, but his breath hitched again and again and sobs poured forth despite his efforts.  
"I can't take anymore. I can't take it!" he cried again as he wept against Steve's shoulder.  
"I know, Loki. Believe me, I know." Steve said, his voice growing thick. He'd had his share of nightmares after the war. They had left him feeling terribly small and alone. But he knew Loki's dreams were hellish compared to his. He'd seen the savage, brutal scarring that covered his entire backside from shoulders to ankles after he'd appeared at Stark Tower barely conscious and struggling to support Thor who had been bloody and completely out. Bruce had asked Steve to check Loki for injuries while he had treated Thor. He'd almost gotten sick at the sight of the scars upon scars upon scars. He'd never seen such horrific damage. It had shaken him to his core. But he'd said nothing about it to anyone. He had no business divulging such information. It wasn't his to share.   
The first time he'd awoken to Loki's screams, he knew it had to do with the horrible scars. But to see his hysterical fear and feel his tears soak his shirt as he shivered in his arms was even worse. He felt his eyes burning.  
"Relax, Loki. Can you do that? Keep breathing. It's alright. No one is going to hurt you, I promise. It's over. You're safe now." Loki struggled to do as Steve asked. He sniffled wetly and released shuddering breaths through his mouth.  
The elevator dinged and the other Avenger's began to pour out, chatting and laughing. Loki froze and pressed his face more firmly into Steve's shoulder. He quivered violently and Steve realized he was holding his breath. "Loki, breathe! It's alright!" Steve said when his splotchy cheeks grew an alarming shade of red. Thor bounded over, his expression stricken. Tony, Clint, Natasha, and Bruce wisely opted to make themselves scarce.  
"Oh, Loki." he lamented. "I should have stayed here!" Loki barely stifled a whimper and released Steve's shirt to cover his face. When Thor began to rub his back soothingly he shivered and curled up tighter.  
"What is wrong with me?" he forced out, his voice thick with fear.  
"Nothing." Both Thor and Steve responded at once. Loki laughed bitterly, but only for a moment before his expression crumpled in misery again. Thor reached out and pulled him away from Steve and Loki allowed it, then clung to him with a shiver.  
"Only time can make memories fade, Loki. But you are safe here now." Steve began until Loki began to shake his head furiously.  
"I will never be safe again. I failed him. He will come for me one day." Steve and Thor glanced at each other in confusion. Neither had heard him utter such a thing before. Loki began to pant as anxiety flooded him again. "You must promise me something brother."  
"Anything." Thor said.  
"When he comes for me, you must kill me first." Steve knew his shocked expression matched Thor's.  
"Never!" Thor gasped. Loki finally raised his head, and Steve's heart clenched to see his eyes full of terror.  
"Please, Thor! I beg you! You must kill me before he can take me! I cannot do it again! It will be worse this time. So much worse! Please, brother! If you love me you will do this for me!" his harsh pants were becoming deep, frightened gasps. Tears streamed from his wide eyes again. "The mad Titan will come for me Thor, and no one will stop him!"  
"The mad Titan..." Thor croaked, his face paling considerably. Loki did not hear him. He was panicking again. His gasps grew deeper until he was hyperventilating. Steve gracelessly shoved Loki's head between his knees.  
"Loki, breathe slow! Loki, calm down, it will be alright. We won't let that happen." Loki didn't struggle. He tried to do as Steve asked and in the position he'd forced him into he could only draw short breaths unless he calmed himself. Gradually he calmed enough that Steve felt comfortable letting him up. He was boneless with exhaustion and Thor had to pull him back upright and into his arms. Loki's head lolled back and his eyes slid shut.  
"Please Thor." he whispered, another tear streaking down his cheek. Thor's face was pure anguish.  
"He'll die before he touches you again." he said, his face, stricken. But instead of comforting Loki as he'd meant to, it seemed to upset him more. Loki shook his head weakly, more tears slipping down his pale skin.  
"Any who protect me will die. He will force me to watch. If you kill me first, he may believe that you are not against him and- and he'll let you live!" Thor shook his head and pulled Loki tighter into his embrace, stifling his terrified pleas. His eyes shimmered in the dark and Steve saw tears spill from Thor's eyes as he held Loki tight.  
"We will speak of this no more, Loki. You must try to rest." Loki could do nothing but huddle in his arms shivering. Steve was at a complete loss. He'd never seen anything so heart-breaking in his life. How Loki maintained a semblance of normalcy when he was in a constant state of fear and exhaustion was beyond him. It wasn't just dreams of past torments that plagued him, but the horror of what may lay ahead was consuming him as well.   
Steve glanced back at Loki and the rest of the team again as they headed to Latveria. According to Thor, Loki was in love with this Jane Foster. He knew he had to do anything he could to help rescue her. If Loki had truly found someone he cared for that deeply, to lose her now would be nothing less than devastating. The horrible incidents of his night-terrors had steadily been decreasing over the past several months, much to everyone's relief. For him to be dealt another traumatic blow seemed too much to ask anyone to deal with. Thor had thought him bereft of his sanity during the invasion. If this young lady dies... Steve hadn't the courage to imagine what could happen after that.   
*^*

 

HOLY SHIT ISN'T IT GREAT WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHEN STUPID FUCKING WRITER'S BLOCK GOES AWAY?! I hope you enjoyed this lengthy, angsty chapter! Next Chapter we'll catch up with sweet Jane.

 

* Thanks Wikipedia


	10. The Punishment

TITLE: Ruiner

AUTHOR: RedMetalWitch (AO3) Kichi ( )

NOTES: I am so sorry for the delay, but it took me quite awhile to figure out how this was going to end. I think one more chapter will wrap this one up and I can finally get to the four other fics I started..  
xoxoxoxo

maybe it's a part of me you took it to a place I hoped it would never go

and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know

xoxoxox

Jane woke to rough hands tearing at her clothes. She struggled weakly, her limbs refusing to act as she bid them.

"Get her up. Hurry" Someone commanded. She was yanked to her feet and the remainder of her clothes wrenched off. A chill raced up her body and she struggled to covered her breasts. She was slapped so hard her head whipped to the side and she tasted blood again. She was dragged out of her cell and down a dank, dim hallway. She heard moans and piteous cries from the other cells, but couldn't focus enough to see what or who was within them.

She was taken to a communal shower room and suddenly hit with frigid water from a fire hose. She slammed into the wall behind her with a cry of shock. She choked and whimpered as the vicious pressure pinned her to the cold tiles. When the water stopped she sobbed with relief even as she shuddered uncontrollably. She was dragged to her feet and she didn't fight, she could barely move other than to shiver violently.

She cursed herself for leaving Stark's tower. She could have taken anyone with her and she would likely be by Loki's side right now instead of praying he was even aware she had been taken. What if no one knew? She doubted that was possible, she'd been kidnapped by Doombots in the middle of New York in broad day light. But still, doubt gnawed at her.

She didn't even know where she had been taken. Was she in Latveria? She didn't know. And she didn't think Loki would know either. She would have to endure more abuse until he found her. She knew he would find her eventually, of that she had no doubt. But just what state she would be in, she didn't dare guess. She could only pray that she had the strength to survive.

xoxoxox

Loki awoke with a gasp. He felt hands on his shoulders, and immediately threw his own up, knocking them away from him.

"Loki, relax." said Thor, and he blinked in confusion before he focused on his brother.

"I'm tired." he said, repeating his earlier admonishment. Thor frowned as Loki yawned.

"Still? Are you feeling unwell?" Loki pushed his hair back from his face with a shrug, then turned to stare at Thor in alarm.

"Where are we?" he snapped.

"Latveria. We are as close as we can get in Stark's air craft. We must walk the rest of the way." Loki was quickly on his feet, noticing the other's were only waiting for him.

"Be sure to call him 'Mr. Doom'- that always drives him ape shit." Tony said with a giddy smile.

"You are deriving far too much pleasure from this." Loki snapped in irritation. Tony's grin dampened somewhat, but only a fraction.

xoxoxox

They entered Dr. Dooms compound once Natasha had disabled the alarms and cameras. It would only buy them a few moments to get in and split up. Cells were at the lowest level so Loki and Thor demanded to head there. The other's could not argue with them as they bolted toward the stairs without awaiting their answer. Tony heaved a sigh.

"This might not end up being as fun as I imagined." he huffed when a back-up alarm system began to blare.

"I'll shut it down." Natasha said, then took of running.

"Me too." said Clint as he followed her.

"Ok, Cap, Bruce, shall we find Doom?" Tony snapped, throwing his hands up in exasperation. Steve and Bruce both gave him a lop-sided smile.

"Sure, buddy." Steve said, patting his shoulder. Tony pouted, causing Steve and Bruce to snicker in amusement.

xoxoxox

Loki's eyes were the color of fresh blood and his breath was coming in savage snarls.

"Where. Is. SHE?!" He roared. The cells were full of men in various states of heath and sanity. Some cowered in terror at his enraged snarl. Some begged for freedom.

"Loki, perhaps women are kept separate. Try to remain calm."

"Where?! Where are they then?!" His voice was a guttural hiss that Thor had never heard before. It raised the hair on the back of his neck. Jagged ice began to form on Loki's fists again and all the prisoners that could see him drew to the back of their cells with gasps of fright.

"T-they're the next flight up, Lords." a hesitant voice called from the depths of one of the cells. Loki tore down the cell block towards the stairs with Thor hot on his tail.

"Thank you!" Thor called behind him. Their screams for release twisted his heart, but he did his best to ignore them. It would do Midgard no good to set free criminals. And he had no way to know whether they were innocent or not. He raced after his brother and up the stairs.

xoxoxox

Loki looked into each cell and was greeted by shrieks of terror. He could feel more ice forming on his body as their cries ignited a savage fury within him.

"Jane?" he called, his voice rougher and far more hostile than he intended. He barely recognized it as his own. He heard more terrified whimpers and froze in place, closing his eyes. He drew several deep breaths in an effort to calm himself and when he called her name again, his voice was his own.

"Jane Foster?" he tried again. He heard Thor calling her name in another cell block.

"What is that thing?" he heard several voices hiss in fear.

"A monster." he heard a few dare to reply. He heard a vicious snarl that was so animalistic, he nearly choked when he realized it had come from him. There were screams coming from all the cells around him and he saw ice begin to cover the floor at his feet.

"Shut up!" he roared, fury overtaking him again. The ice began to spread faster and soon their bars were coated with white frost. He grabbed the bars of the nearest cell and with a brief tug they shattered. The women within shrieked and cowered. But none of them were Jane. "Now listen to me very carefully." he hissed. "Jane Foster. She's about five foot four inches, long brown hair, thin, pretty, pale, hazel eyes, in her late twenties. Has. Anyone. Seen her?!"

"No!" he heard several women from other cells respond at once. He left without a backward glance. It wasn't until he was gone that the frightened, overcrowded cell of women realized they were free.

xoxoxox

Thor did not see Jane, and no one responded to her name. He heard Loki suddenly yell in frustration and grimaced. He reached the end of the block and did not see her. "Jane Foster." he called again and again. He felt the walls suddenly shudder and he knew the Hulk was loose. Time was growing short.

"No one by that name here, sir." a husky voice replied before giggling wildly. He ran out of the cell block and saw Loki at the door that led to the stairs, trembling with fury.

"She's not here, Thor." Loki fumed. Thor nodded, his expression bleak.

"We must get back with the other's. Perhaps they have found her."

They ran up the stairs and nearly bowled over Clint in their haste. He saw no woman at their side and wisely kept quiet about it.

"Tony, Cap, and Hulk have Doom trapped." Clint began.

"Take us there, now!" Loki snapped, his expression wild. Clint took a step back, his expression wary.

"This way." he mumbled, his expression suddenly closed off. Thor bit his lip to stifle a sigh as Clint took off, Loki right behind him.

"Norns help us." Thor winced.

xoxoxox

Hulk shook Dr. Doom like a baby shakes a rattle, and the sight finally brought a small smile to Loki's lips for a moment. But when he heard Doom cry out: "Jane Foster is not here! I don't know anyone by that name! How dare you accost me this way?"

"Well, she was picked up by your tin men and whisked away!" Tony snapped.

"Where is she?!" Loki snarled, gripping Dr. Doom's boot as his legs kicked above him. Soon the boot was covered in ice.

"Stop! What are you doing?!" he cried.

"I'm about to freeze your leg solid and then shatter it into pieces." Dr. Doom began to shiver convulsively in his metal armor.

"I w-was rep-p-paying a debt! I didn't-"

"To whom?" Loki growled.

"M-mm-mandarin!" he forced out through chattering teeth.

"Where is he now?!"

"L-let me go and I'll t-tell you!" Tony fired up his repulsors and aimed for Doom's leg. "I n-need my computer, d-damn it, you fuh-fools!"

"Is that so?" Tony sneered and made his way to the massive console and began to hack into his files.

"How d-dare you! You have n-no business!"

"I will gladly freeze your tongue!" Loki snapped at him. Hulk released Dr. Doom and let him stagger until he collapsed in a heap.

"You shall p-pay for this!" he hissed through chattering teeth. Loki began to laugh and crouched down so that he was eye-level with Doom.

"No. You are going to pay for this. As soon as I find Jane, and make certain she is well, I am coming back for you. I will destroy everything you have created here. Then I will destroy what remains of you." He went to stomp on Doom's kneecap but Hulk shoved him away, knocking him off his feet before he could. Loki landed on his back, gasping raggedly. Bruce was already shrinking to normal size as he approached.

"Loki," Bruce said. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't let you." Loki nodded briefly as he struggled to breathe. He slowly got to his feet and Thor grabbed his elbow as he stumbled.

"Several doombots traveled to Yongfu which is West of Yangshuo. I'm guessing we'll find her there." Tony said.

xoxoxox

Jane hadn't eaten since Steve had made her lunch. She had been locked in a filthy cell for a few days now. She was not sure how many. She had seen no one in that time. She had been utterly alone since they had hosed her down with icy water.

She was sick. She tried for days to convince herself that she was fine, but each day her cough grew worse. He throat and chest had begun to burn unbearably when she coughed and she couldn't breathe through her nose. Her head was constantly pounding, and she was so tired.

She awoke shuddering with chills. She curled into the fetal position to try and retain some warmth and was soon sweating profusely. Her fingers were icy and when she touched her forehead and cheeks they felt unbearably hot.

She wondered what she had done to deserve this fate again. She wasn't a bad person. She was in love with someone who had killed many people. But he had good in him. And she knew that he deserved love. Perhaps in a past life she had been bad, she chuckled weakly at the thought which set off a coughing fit that left her light headed. She didn't know if she believed in reincarnation, she would ask Loki when he found her. She knew he would eventually, even if it was too late.

Suddenly, for the first time in days, she heard a door creak as it was forced open. Next she heard rapidly approaching feet.

"Someone wants to see you, darling."

xoxoxox

They arrived after a three hour flight. Loki was agitated the entire time. He fidgeted restlessly. Ice formed on his hands then shattered and fell to the floor when he clenched his fists. Tony tried to reassure him that Jane would be fine, it was just over 48 hours. It was a good sign they had found her so quickly. Loki did not answer. A lot could happen in the time, but he didn't want to say so. He didn't even want to think it.

FRIDAY informed them of an old temple with a massive complex hidden beneath. And they landed a mile away to keep their presence from being detected too soon. Loki was on his feet before they landed, ice covering his fists.

"Brother, I know how you feel, but charging in like a madman will only get Jane hurt." Thor said, placing himself between Loki and the exit. Loki scowled at him and Clint and Natasha exchanged a glance.

"He's right. We need to be cautious. He is using her as bait to lure you in, you have to know that." Natasha said. Loki snorted, shaking his head.

"He is not in any way a threat to me."  
"We know that. But he will use Jane as a human shield if he sees you coming, is that what you want?" Clint argued. Loki threw back his head and laughed and then vanished only to reappear seconds later.

"This is not an issue! Stop arguing with me, and help me or don't. But I am going now." he walked around Thor who made no move to stop him. The other Avengers followed in silence.

xoxoxox

It was dark and they were surrounded by thick forests again and heard strange animals shrieking in the distance. Insects chirped and sang and buzzed in their ears. The air was thick and hot. To say that Loki did not enjoy it would be an understatement, he could barely breathe, but he pushed his discomfort aside as they searched for the temple. FRIDAY informed Tony that they were close but they saw nothing. No looming structures with ancient stone carvings were visible. Then Steve let out a gasp as he tripped over a stone. They could barely make out the short pillars and large stones strewn about. The temple was in pieces.

"FRIDAY, can you find the entrance?" Tony hissed as they stumbled over long-eroded chunks of statuary.

"28 feet to your left, sir." FRIDAY chirped in his ear. He pointed and the rest of the team followed, and when he stepped on the door his footsteps rang hollow. Loki waved him away and then his hands began to glow green. The door was gone as if it had never been and they saw a stairway leading into the earth. They could make out faint light at the bottom. Loki and Thor began to descend at once and the other's followed. Halfway down Loki vanished from sight, but they heard him whisper softly: "Wait here. I will see if it is safe." They barely heard his footfalls as he reached the bottom. They then saw several flashes of green before Loki reappeared at the bottom of the steps and urged them forward.

xoxoxox

"You have caused me far more trouble that you're worth, do you know this?" a familiar voice hissed as she was dragged into a room that immediately terrified her. The walls were hung with blades of all kinds, from a small hatchet to wicked, curved swords, to circular saws. In the middle stood an autopsy table. Jane's legs immediately buckled, but she was dragged forward none the less.

"Please, don't hurt me! Please! I'll do anything you want! Anything, I swear!" the Mandarin grinned, his eyes wild as his cohort dragged her to the table, lifted her up, and dropped her onto the cold metal. She struggled uselessly as they strapped her down, and her frightened whimpers rose to screams that abruptly dissolved into coughing.

"You have forced my hand! You destroyed all my work, you and that alien bastard. But now you're both going to pay."

"He'll kill you for this!" Jane cried, trying desperately to make him see reason. The Mandarin laughed and pulled a gun from his boot.

"Not a concern. You see, my dear. I have nothing now. And so I will make sure you both lose everything that matters as well. And he won't get the chance to kill me, anyway." he giggled wildly. "Not that you will get to see that part. I wish you could, but that just wouldn't work. When he finds you it will be too late."

"Please, don't! Please!" Jane wept.

"You have one use left to me, girl! And you will fulfill it!" The man that had dragged her from her cell gripped her face and hair in his massive hands and held her immobile as the Mandarin drew close, a long ice pick in his fist.

"No!" She screamed. "Please, I beg you!"

xoxoxox

The Avengers heard frightened screams that suddenly rose to an agonizing wail and froze in their tracks for a split second.

"No!" Loki and Thor both cried, recognizing Jane's voice. They bolted down the corridor, the rest of their team struggling to keep pace. Tony fired his repulsors and the metal doors at the end of the corridor burst apart.

The sight that greeted them froze them in their tracks once again.

A huge man with massive muscles put a gun to his temple and fired. Blood and brains splattered against the walls as he collapsed. The Mandarin held a gun to his own head as well, his rictus grin and eerie cackling froze their blood. On the table Jane's body convulsed weakly.

"I win!" the Mandarin shrieked and pulled the trigger. His blood and brains painted the walls and the instruments of torture as he, too, fell dead. Thor and Loki raced to Jane past the rest of the team who stood frozen save for Natasha who cautiously made her way forward, gun still drawn.

Thor's face was white as bone and his hand rose to cover his mouth. His eyes immediately sought out his brother who stood staring down at her, his expression of shocked disbelief. His head began to shake back and forth as if what he was seeing couldn't possibly be real. Loki's entire body began to shake and he reached out to touch her with shaking hands.

"No.. This.. Thor.. She can't.." tears began to slide down his indigo cheeks. "No!" he suddenly roared fisting his hair. Thor grabbed his arms and shook him once.

"Not now! Grab her! Get us to the surface, Loki! Now!" He blinked in a daze and Thor shook him again. "Now, Loki!" he nodded as if he was caught in a dream, but he gently took Jane's hand in his own while Thor held his arms and then they were gone.

"Oh, God, no." Steve whispered. Bruce had a hand pressed to his mouth and his eyes were shining. Tony looked utterly lost, staring at the room as if none of it made sense.

"Come on." Clint sighed. "We're done here." Despite the fact that they were far below the surface, they could hear thunder.

xoxoxox

"Heimdall! Open the Bifrost!" Thor howled. Loki held Jane tight in his arms, his face was blank with shock. The multi-colored light enveloped them and they were gone.

xoxoxox

The ride back to the tower was utterly silent. No one knew what to say. But there was one thing on everyone's mind:

They had failed.

TBC


	11. the end?

TITLE: Ruiner

AUTHOR: Kichi ( ) RedMetalWitch (AO3)

and what you gave to me

my perfect ring of scars

you know I can see

what you really are

Loki was shaking violently by the time the reached Heimdall's observatory.

"To Eir, brother! Quickly!" Thor commanded, shaking him again. Loki's eyes were still leaking tears and he stared at Thor as if he couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Thor gently cupped Loki's cheeks. "Loki? Can you hear me?" his pupils were huge and his breathing was shallow and rapid. Thor cursed softly.

"My Princes, do you need aid?" Heimdall asked softly. Thor shook his head and then shook Loki again as gently as he could in his panic.

"Brother! You must take us to Eir! Do you hear me?" Loki's mouth worked, but no sound came out. His trembling increased, his teeth chattering.

"Thor, you must take the girl. I will bring your brother along, hurry!" Thor nodded and pulled Jane from his brother's grasp. Loki clung to her for a moment, his expression suddenly terrified.

"Loki, let her go. I will take her to Eir. Do you understand?" Heimdall reached out and pried Loki's numb fingers loose as Thor lifted her from his arms. Heimdall held Loki upright as he stared blankly.

"Go, Thor. We will be right behind you." Heimdall urged. Thor nodded and held Mjollnir aloft and took off like a blazing comet.

"My King. My Queen. You are needed in the healing halls immediately." Heimdall whispered and heaved Loki over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He began to run.

Thor kicked open the doors to the healing halls and took no notice of the fact that they shattered completely, raining shards of wood and gold upon the staff and patients within. Cries of alarm faded to hushed whispers.

Eir was already running toward the Thunderer.

"What has happened?" she cried. She gasped in shock as she saw the woman in Thor's arms, a wooden handle protruding from her eye socket. "By the Norns!" she gasped. "I need a bed at once!" several apprentice healers raced to comply and soon Thor was lying Jane across the starched sheets as if she would shatter from too rough of treatment.

"A mad man did this to her." Thor said, his voice quivering. "If she is not restored, I fear-" he choked unable to continue. Loki's behavior made it quite obvious that he would not take her death well, and that was severely understating it. Thor feared it would be the final blow that would send him over the edge once again.

"Thor!" He heard the familiar voice of his beloved mother. "What has- oh! Oh no!" she cried when she spotted Jane. "Where is Loki? Is he alright?" Thor shook his head.

"Heimdall is bringing him. I tried to get him to teleport us here but it was as if he couldn't hear me. He-" Thor broke off again, feeling his own eyes begin to burn. He saw Odin enter the room a moment later followed by Heimdall who still carried Loki. Thor couldn't help but notice his brother was no longer in his Jotun form. His father caught his eye and gave a gentle shake of his head that clearly said: 'Be Silent'. But as they got closer he saw that Loki was white as bone and gasped rapidly. He still shook violently in the Gatekeepers arms, then suddenly he began to choke and gag.

"Put him down Heimdall, quickly!" Eir cried, pointing to an empty bed. Heimdall had no sooner sat Loki upon it before he bent double and vomited all over the floor. "Bodil! Embla! Attend the prince, he is in shock!" Thor felt a hand on his arm, urging him back and looked to see Odin.

"Come my son. Leave the healers to their work. Your Mother will assist them. All will be well." he said, trying to reassure him. Thor nodded weakly and let himself be led out into the hall.

"Father.." he began once in the hall. Odin raised a hand and Thor fell silent.

"If there is any hope for the girl, it will be found here. Try to put your mind at ease. I know it will be difficult." he said.

"And Loki-"

"Is very upset. Does he care for this woman? I was under the impression that she favored you."

"She is my friend. But Loki loves her. I've never seen him like this over anyone. But Jane is unlike anyone else. It does not surprise me that he is so captivated with her. She is just as brilliant as he is." Odin sighed, looking suddenly very old and weary. "If she dies-"

"I know, my boy. I know." Odin clasped Thor's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

Loki lay trembling upon his cot, staring ahead at the women hovering over Jane. The ghastly weapon had been pulled from her eye with the utmost care, nevertheless, Jane's small body had begun to writhe and contort immediately after. Loki heard Frigga's voice raise in command but the words were unclear. Bodil and Embla had moved him as far from the women as they could without putting him out in the hall.

He wished Thor was with him. He had never before felt this kind of terror. What if they couldn't help her? Her mind was her most prized asset. He knew he hadn't known her that long, but he didn't doubt she would be devastated if her mental capacity was in any way diminished. He didn't even know what she was researching when she'd been initially kidnapped by the Mandarin, would she be able to complete it?

He cursed the Mandarin to Hel with all his heart. He despised the man for taking his own life. His trembling increased as his rage ignited. He felt cursed by the Norns. Every time anything good came into his life it was always snatched away. He doubted this time would be any different. He never should have gotten close to her. It was his own miserable fate that had damned her. Why had he ever thought he could be happy? Why had he ever convinced himself that a frail human would not instantly become a target once at his side. He knew that the Mandarin had already abducted her months before she'd been thrown in his lap. But Loki was not a human, he was far stronger and vastly more experienced. So how had he let this happen to her? How had he failed to protect her?

He didn't deserve one such as her.

He sat up slowly, feeling his head swim. Embla was suddenly rushing to his side.

"My Prince, please! You must rest!" He wasn't sure what it was about his expression that stopped her in her tracks, but he was in no mood to argue, and was grateful for her silence. He vanished with a sigh.

Thor was pacing in the main courtyard. It was around the largest water fountain he paced. Around and around like a dog chasing its tail. He heard the sound of light footfalls running quickly. He stopped in his tracks and saw one of the girls from the healing halls. Before he even formed the thought in his mind, Mjollnir was in his hand and he was at her side.

The poor girl leaped back with a gasp at Thor's sudden appearance.

"Forgive me, good lady." Thor said, suddenly abashed.

"My Lord! Your brother disappeared from the healing halls! Please, would you know where I might find him?"

"Allow me. I will find him much quicker. What news do I bring him?" he asked, his expression grave. The young lady smiled.

"Miss Jane has recovered! She asks to see him." Thor's smile of joy seemed to stun the young lass who appeared suddenly dazed as she stared at him.

"That is excellent news! Thank you good lady!" and he was gone.

Loki always was good at hiding. When they were younger and played Loki always found him within minutes. Thor was lucky if he ever found his younger brother. After centuries of practice he finally discovered many of Loki's favorite places to go when he wanted to be alone or win at hide-and-seek.

He found him at last in a section of their Mother's garden, beside her scrying pool. His expression was that of abject misery. Thor's smile faded somewhat as he landed next to his morose sibling.

"Loki I bring wonderful news-" he began.

"Jane is well again." Loki interrupted.

"Yes Brother! Is that not wonderful?" Loki's smile was halfhearted.

"Of course." Thor frowned.

"Then why do you look so miserable?" Loki did not look up from the scrying pool, his expression grew bitter.

"Do you know in all these years I have never once seen a thing in Mother's scrying pool?" He asked instead. Thor shrugged helplessly. He didn't know his brother had any interest in divination, but then again, he knew sadly little of his brother's interests. But Loki continued on as if Thor's answer didn't matter in the slightest. "Then I come here today and immediately I am drawn to this place. A place I haven't been in at least fifty years or more. As soon as I looked in the water I saw Jane's future. And I am not in it at all." He sat on the stone bench, planted his elbows on his knees, and hid his face in his hands.

"Loki-" Thor began, but Loki cut him off again.

"Thor, I already suspected as much before I even left the healing halls. She will be a target if she remains by my side. I have many enemies who would kill her simply to hurt me. How can I do that to her if I truly care for her?" Thor sighed, his grim expression becoming even more severe.

"Aye. She is vulnerable by either of our sides. I would be a fool not to think so. Mother has been the target of many in the past."

"But she is not human. Jane is, and they are the most short-lived and fragile of any race upon Yggdrasil. Would this not be kinder? Would she want to watch her body wither with age while I stayed the same? Would she not be better off with someone who would grow old with her? Someone she would have normal children with, not some half-breed monster-"

"Loki." Thor admonished, his voice stern. "I do not like when you speak of yourself so. You are not a monster." He gripped the back of Loki's neck and Loki sighed and nodded. "These are mostly valid points. And many of them match my own reasoning. When Jane and I decided our relationship was going nowhere, these were things I realized. And while I was sad for a while, I knew it was for the best. In some ways we are simply too different from them. It is well to aid them when they have need of us, and it is our responsibility. But in the end their short lives will cause us grief." Loki ran his hands through his hair and sat up straight. "She is asking to see you."

"I suppose I must get this over with now. Any delay will only cause problems later on." he said. When he made no move to rise Thor smiled sadly and gave him a one-armed hug.

"All will be well, Brother. Jane is stronger than most."

Jane's eyes were closed when Loki sat beside her. She had a purple bruise under her eye that made him wince when he saw it. The skin had no sign of scabbing from the terrible wound, which was a relief. The bruising would fade in a few days at the most.

"Jane." he whispered softly. He hated to disturb her rest, but waiting would only weaken his resolve. Her eyes opened and when she saw him, her smile drove a spear right through his heart. He dropped his gaze to his hands as he nervously plucked at his palm. He cleared his throat and dared to meet her beautiful, honey-colored eyes.

"What is it?" she said, sitting up.

"This is all my fault." he began. She was already shaking her head.

"No, you can't possibly believe that! You saved me. Again! How can you think that?" Loki dropped his gaze again.

"I have many enemies, Jane. Ill luck has ever been my lot in life. Your life would be forfeit were you to stay by my side."

"Isn't that my decision?" Jane began, gripping his hand and squeezing fiercely. He met her eyes again and held her gaze as he shook his head.

"No, Jane. It is mine. I won't see you murdered simply because you care for me." Jane shook her head, her expression angry. "Look how easily you were taken from me-"

"So this is my fault?!" Jane snapped.

"No!" Loki said, his expression shocked. "Jane, it is my fault for failing to protect you." Jane's ire faded instantly and morphed into remorse.

"No, Loki, you can't think like that." she said, her eyes beginning to shine. He could no longer look at her. If he saw her tears it would shatter his heart like the most finely spun glass.

"But it is the truth." he said. "Ever since you met my Brother you became a target. You know I sent the destroyer, don't you?" He locked eyes with her again and saw tears slide down her face. It was like a knife in his gut. "Do you know how easily I could have killed you then? Had you been in New York you could have been one of the many people crushed by falling debris as they sought to flee. Or you could have been cut down by the Chitauri-"

"Stop it." Jane said, her face crumpled in distress.

"I could have killed you then, too."

"Loki!" she pleaded. "What about the first time you rescued me? There has to be a reason you never once wanted my blood! What are the odds of that? It has to mean something." He shook his head, staring down at his clenched fists.

"It doesn't matter now. I am no longer that abomination. The Eagle stone is a part of my body. But I am still a monster. I fed on all those people. the fact that I couldn't stop myself is irrelevant. I failed. Again and again I fail! And every time people die. And one day he will come for me. And he will tear apart any who stand at my side. You can't be there when that day comes. I was a fool, do you understand? I never had a chance with you. I don't have that right. I gave my life to the Mad Titan long ago. I will never be free from him unless I take my own life."

"No!" Jane cried. She reached forward to embrace him, but he caught her hands and held them in his instead.

"Forgive me for misleading you, it wasn't my intention, but I can't even be honest with myself. How can I be with anyone else? You deserve better, we both know this."

"Please, stop saying these things!" Jane sobbed. "How can you say this?" Loki sighed.

"You know I'm right. And if that weren't enough proof, I saw your future myself. And you must understand, I have never had any skill with divination of any kind. But earlier today I found myself drawn to my Mother's scrying pool. A place I have never had use for except to find her there if I had need of her. The moment I looked in the pool I saw you living the life you were meant to. Without me. I knew then that I was right. You will be safer and happier in the end."

"And what about you, Loki? What about you?" he raised her hands to his lips and kissed them both.

"I will be grateful for the time I had with you, brief though it was."

"But I love you!" She sobbed. When Loki's face twisted in agony she wrapped her arms around him. This time he didn't stop her.

"It is because I love you that I do this Jane. Please understand." He held her briefly before he kissed the top of her head and pulled gently from her grasp. "I'm sorry." he said, his voice choked. And then he was gone, leaving Jane to weep alone.

"Jane?" she heard a familiar voice call softly. It was not the voice she longed to hear most. But that didn't really surprise her. She rolled over and saw Thor. "I am very relieved you are healed." She smiled weakly. She looked a mess and she knew it. Her face was splotchy from crying, her hair was a tangled mess, and she had repeatedly used her sleeve to wipe her nose.

"Thor? Would you take me home now, please? I need to see Darcy." he nodded as if he had expected nothing less.

"Of course."

Thor had Heimdall transport them to Avenger's Tower once he informed them that Darcy was waiting for Jane (or news of her demise) there. Their reunion was tearful and once Darcy got over her profound relief she noticed Jane's distress. She quickly got the story of Loki ending their relationship out of her.

"He's right. I know that. But I just can't believe he'd give up so easily." Jane said with a sniffle. Darcy sighed.

"From what everyone here has told me- he's had it pretty bad for a long time. He just wants you to be safe. And how do you think he would feel if you were hurt because of him? If your positions were reversed, would you risk it?" Jane shook her head as her face crumpled in misery. Darcy pulled her close. "You're both doing the right thing. I know it fucking sucks, but life just really fucking sucks sometimes." Jane snorted and Darcy smiled. "We'll eat a bunch of ice cream and watch sappy movies that make us cry at the end, and then we'll move on with our lives like we always do. And sometimes it will be really hard, and you'll miss him a lot. But he's doing this out of love, not hate. that's gotta count for something."

"Yes, of course." Jane quickly agreed. "Of course it does. I guess it shouldn't surprise me so much that out of the guys I dated he's the most mature."

"Well, he is like, a thousand, right? I would hope so after all that time!" Jane finally smiled at that.

"Thanks Darcy. You're the best."

"I know." she said, flipping her hair back like Prince Charming in 'Shrek 2', and earning her a poke in the ribs from Jane.

While Jane and Darcy had their girl talk, the Avenger's prodded Thor with questions.

"Where is Loki, is he ok?" Natasha asked.

"How the hell did they fix the damage? You have to take me and Bruce to Asgard, Thor!" Tony cried.

"Did Loki break up with Jane?" Bruce asked, his expression concerned.

"Friends, my brother felt Jane was in danger at his side. He still expects the Mad Titan to come for him one day. You know-"

"Yes, we know." Clint said with a shudder. They all remembered Loki's early days at the tower, and waking to his terrified screams in the middle of the night on several occasions as he relived his torture at Thanos' hands in his nightmares.

"How's he taking it?" Steve asked.

"I know not, but I must return now because I have a feeling he is not taking it well. Despite his honorable intentions, it was a difficult decision to make. He's had little reason to be happy for so long.." he sighed.

"Well, then you had better go. Tell him.." Tony shrugged. "Shit I'm not good with this stuff. Cap? How about you?"

"Tell him we're thinking about him. We hope to see him again soon. He's always welcome here."

"Yep. That. That's great." Tony said with a smile. Steve rolled his eyes fondly.

When Thor returned he sought out Frigga first. He found her sitting at her loom, her expression troubled.

"Have you seen Loki? How is he?" she gave him a sad smile.

"His heart is broken, Thor. I have never seen him thus. He was inconsolable. After awhile he begged me to leave, so I did. I've sealed anything he could use to hurt himself, I don't want to think like this, but I was afraid not to. But it is good you are here now. Please check on him. I hate for him to be alone like this." Thor agreed and was quickly at Loki's door. He didn't bother to knock and quickly found the sitting room empty. He went to Loki's bedroom door and knocked briefly before opening to door.

"Go away!" Loki cried, his voice a harsh rasp.

"Brother-"

"I said leave me!" Loki cried again, his voice breaking. Thor saw the pile of covers move on the bed and heard Loki sniffle wetly. He walked around the bed to the other side when he saw Loki's hand reaching out blindly and fumbling for something. He saw three empty bottles of Dwarf spirits laying on the floor.

"Loki, oh shit!" Thor cried, the Midgardian curse word flying out in his shock. Loki struggled to sit up and glare at Thor. His face looked much like Jane's had earlier from crying and he felt his heart ache. Loki slumped back against his pillows with a groan. "Please tell me you didn't drink all of those!" Dwarf spirits were very strong, even for the Aesir. Volstagg had consumed one bottle and Thor had been shocked at how quickly he had become completely intoxicated before falling asleep sitting upright.

"I spilled one." he murmured with another sniffle.

"Loki, this is too much!" Thor suddenly grabbed him and pulled him out of bed and began to drag him to the bathing room.

"Thor! What are you-? Thor!" Loki said, his voice slurring terribly. "What are you- doing?" he said, his voice growing louder and his expression bewildered. Thor dragged him to the toilet and stuck his face over the bowl.

"You fool!" he gasped. "What were you thinking?!" he grabbed Loki by his hair and stuck his middle finger in Loki's mouth. Loki went rigid and bit him, he shuddered violently a moment later and Thor jerked his hand free when he retched.

Then he began to vomit and it was pouring out of him so swiftly he could scarce breath. The amount he was purging and his desperate gasps in between were frightening. Thor felt his own stomach roil uneasily. Suddenly the sound of vomit pouring out of Loki was replaced by him gagging wretchedly. His gasps turned to sobs as he continued to painfully retch. His balance was nonexistent, and when he tried to sit up he pitched sideways. Thor caught him and wiped his face with a towel as he shivered and cried.

His sobs turned to groans after a few minutes and he was struggling to free himself.

"Thor!" he cried brokenly, and suddenly his desperation was clear. Thor barely got him back to the toilet just before he began to vomit again. Thor heart ached to see Loki so distraught. He'd never seen him so incredibly drunk, either. He dreaded the night ahead.

Loki slept at last. He passed out, to be frank. He had been sick once more and had cried so that Thor's heart had broken for him as well. Loki had become more coherent after his tears had dried.

"I've ruined my life Thor. I'll never be happy. I thought it was everyone else's fault. It's been mine all along. I've ruined any chance I had to be happy. I ruined it all." Thor's heart had grown cold at that. He did the only thing he could think of and dragged Loki into his arms and nearly squeezed all the breath out of him as he held him tight and assured him of his unconditional love.

"You are wrong about this, Brother. You will be happy again. I swear it." At last Loki hugged him back. Thor heard his quiet sniffles begin again and hugged him fiercely. "This pain will not last, I promise you." Eventually Loki's sniffles tapered off again and he raised his head.

"I truly have nothing without you, Thor."

"Do not scare me like this again, Brother. Without you I would be lost." Thor said, his grip almost painful. "Your life is not ruined. Those the Norns test the most become the strongest and bravest of all. One day the Mad Titan may come, but together we are unstoppable. Together we shall crush him."

With that thought, Loki finally smiled. He began to snore soon after.

Thor watched him sleep. He would get over this, and Thor would be at his side the entire time.

THE END?

UPDATE: 4/15/19 EPILOGUE IN PROGRESS I would love to hear from you!


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